Forever still stands Warren Peace LS (Book 2)

Only love can hurt like this

Allison's POV (Baseball field)

Ugh. Why does he make me feel this way? So much anger. So much hurt. So much love for him. He knows I love him. And yet he still fights me. I know it's mostly my fault. With us breaking up. But does it look like I wanted to? I've been pining after him in secret, just after we broke up. And it's not really my fault! I only want what's best for him. And no one understands why?! Why?! Can't anyone see that I'm doing this for him? That I'm breaking my own damn heart. He's so close. Yet so far. And my stupid ass is needy for him. I just want to hold him and never let him go. I want to tell him I love him more then anything. That if I had a choice, that I would have never broken things off. But I can't. I can't do that! Because that's my dream. Not his.

No matter how much I want him to myself.

I can't be selfish anymore.

I can't keep him to myself anymore.

I clenched my eyes closed as I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I felt one slip down my cheek. I hate this. I hate how emotional I am over this. I just want to go back to the old days. Where I could have him back. To have him as mine again. Where he was mine. And I was his. And now, he won't even look at me. One stupid fight. And poof. Everything. Our friendship. Gone. Just because of one damn fight. And I don't understand. Why couldn't he just let it go? If he had. There would have been no stupid fight.

I sighed. "I tell myself you don't mean a thing. And what we got, got no hold on me. But when you're not there I just crumble. I tell myself I don't care that much. But I feel like I'm dying 'til I feel your touch", I sang softly to myself. He means the world to me. And I thought anyone could see the way I felt about him. That I was head over heels in love with him. That my heart only beat for him. But no, everyone is against me. I only want what's good for him. If I had chosen to stay with him, people would still be against me. I can't win with those people. I just want to love him. I just want to be loved! What's so wrong with that? Huh?! I loved his stupid ass before he even got famous. I loved him when he was the scary emo guy. That everyone was afraid of. Has everyone forgot. That we started at the bottom? If only we could go back to that. I would give anything just to go back. Anything.

"Only love, Only love can hurt like this. Only love can hurt like this, Must have been a deadly kiss. Only love can hurt like this", I sang as tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn't keep them, even if I wanted to. My heart wasn't even whole anymore. It hasn't been for awhile now. They were just pieces of what my heart used to be. There was no way of fixing it. Nothing can fix a heartbreak as such as this one. It's all over for me. The man I love, is pissed at me. Over a silly stupid fight. And I don't know when he'll talk to me again. And that's what hurts. But what hurts more. Is that, when I go home tonight. He'll be so close. Yet so far away. Oh Warren. Can't you see. My crumbled and broken heart was yours. It always was.

"Say I wouldn't care if you walked away. But everytime you're there I'm begging you to stay. When you come close I just tremble. And everytime, everytime you go. It's like a knife that cuts right through my soul", my words were scratchy and cracked with emotion. My eyes wondered over the baseball field. I felt a sad smile appear on my lips. All those memories. Sweet sweet memories. Only memories now. I closed my eyes. And just let myself imagine. I can still hear myself giggling as he twirled me around. I could still hear him chuckle as he pulled me onto the grass. Not caring that we got grass stains on our clothes.

I could still remember how he would pull me in close. And just hold me. And whisper those sweet words into my ear. That I miss so so much. "I love you", it only sounded like a ghost of a whisper in my ears now. But it just brought more tears to my eyes. I really fucked up. I fucked up our relationship, and I fucked up our friendship. I made my own damn nightmare a reality. He's going to leave me in the dust. Like I always knew he would. I looked down at the ring on my middle finger. I twirled it around. A tear rolled down my cheek as I remember what he had said as he gave me this. I then pressed my hand to my
Chest. Cradling it. The only thing I have left of him. That if he never talks to me again. He has to, right? It was just one fight. One stupid fight. We'll apologize to each other for what we said. And we'll go back to being friends. Right? Tomorrow is gonna be a new day. And today will just seem a bad dream. Right? It has to be.

It has to be.

"Only love. Only love can hurt like this. Only love can hurt like this. Must have been a deadly kiss. Only love can hurt like this. Only love can hurt like this. Your kisses burn into my skin. Only love can hurt like this", I whispered softly to the air. Why does love have to be so complicated? Why does it have to hurt so badly? Why does my heart have to be in pieces? Is this how love is supposed to be? It can't be. Love is supposed to be magical. It's supposed to feel breathtaking. It's supposed to give you those warm butterflies in your tummy. It's supposed to feel warm and safe. So what the hell happened to our love story? Why did we crash and burn? When we were supposed to be made for each other.

I sat in the dug out. On one of the benches. I sighed and laid my hands on my lap. Love is supposed to be love. To feel loved by one the one person who's supposed to love you with all their heart. So what happened to my love? Was it really all my fault? Did I ruin everything? I must have. I must have caused all this pain that I'm feeling right about now. "But if the sweetest pain. Burning hot through my veins. Love is torture. Makes me more sure", I didn't care that I had tears slipping down my cheeks. There was no one to see me anyways. I could cry as much as I wanted to. With no one to judge me. I just wanted to cry with no one to judge me for doing it. Love was torture. It's burning my veins. No matter how much I wanted it to stop. Love broke my heart. And now it's just a constant reminder. A reminder that I'm alone. That I have no one in my corner. "Only love can hurt like this. Only love can hurt like this. Only love can hurt like this. Must have been a deadly kiss. Only love can hurt like this. Only love can hurt like this. Your kisses burn into my skin. Only love can hurt like this", love was supposed to be my one chance at feeling something. Something for someone that wasn't my twin brother or my parents. Someone I could spend the rest of my life with. And now, I just ruined it. Maybe it is just me. Maybe I am that loser. Maybe I am a loser. And I'm not worth it. Maybe that's what it is. I felt the tears slide down my face. I sniffled. So much for my fairy tale. Or my prince.

"Only love can hurt like this(Only love can hurt like this)", I sang to myself. I've felt a lot of pain in my life. But never this kind of pain that just hurt so much. And the kind that just went down to my core. It just hurts. So much. So so much. And I'm scared it'll never go away. That I'm gonna feel this pain. For the rest of my life. I clenched my eyes closed. I sighed again. And sniffled again. I had no one. My brother had Layla. Layla had Will. And my parents just wouldn't understand. They had each other. And I had no one.

"Save me. Save me. Only love. Only love. 'Cause only love can hurt this. And it must have been a deadly kiss", I finished with a small whimper. I miss him already. I miss being in his arms. I miss his touch. I miss his voice. I hate that I miss him already. When he's still so pissed with me. I'm pathetic. I'm not worth it. I'm not worth anything. And I should just except it. I'm nothing. I have no one. And maybe that guy was right. I am a loser. I'm a nobody. I'm just a no good nerd. And that's all I'll ever be.

"Only love can hurt like this", I whispered to myself.