True Love?

Chapter 17: hanging out (part 2)

A/N
This chapter can be rather triggering for some people! Please read again at your own risk. (Also read my a/n at the end please.)
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Will's POV:

So many thoughts are running through my head. Like; is he lying to me, am I really worth something, am I a coward for not standing up for myself, and would it matter if I killed myself.

"Guys.." I decide to pipe up, after 20 minutes of silence.

"Yes Will?" Jordan looks worried about me.. He always is now a days.

I decide not to say what I was going to say, so they won't worry. "I had a fan tell me today that they go through the same thing as me.." I trail off, "with abuse and all that stuff.."

Nobody replies.. Rusher just gets up and hugs me. "It's okay, life is rough, rough like the wood of a bark tree. You'll make it okay?" He says as he lets go and walks back over to his place next to Dolphin on the other couch.

"I'll be right back, I gotta use the bathroom.." I murmur as I get up walking to the bathroom.

Someone grabs my shoulder, it's Dolphin.. "Why're you going to the bathroom?" He says, spinning me around to face him. His eyes have a hint of guilt and sorrow in them. I know it's my fault.

"I just gotta piss.. Why?" Even though I'm not planning on it, my skin feels so tight.

"You're lying Will." He says as he lets go of my shoulder and hugs me..

"Uhhm Dolphin, what're you doing..?" I ask, puzzled.

"So you aren't lying?" He says worry clearly noticeable in his voice.

"No, I'm perfectly fine." I say giving him a reassuring smile, even though it's fake.

He still looks uneasy, it's hard to get things past him, I can tell..

"I'll be back in a minute or two." I say, walking towards the bathroom.

I walk in and shut the door, and slowly slide my back down the door as I reach into the sinks cabinet looking for a razor.

I stare at it blankly, do I really wanna do this? I ask myself. My answer is yes. I need to see the blood trickle from my scarred wrists. I need to know I'm alive.

I get up off the floor and hold my arm over the sink, I slide the razor across my wrist.

"One for ruining be the Meet Up." I whisper
"Two for not being good enough." I whisper again. Tears stinging me eyes.
"Three to know I'm alive." I whisper. As soon as I make the last slash across my wrist I instantly feel relived. Seeing the blood coming from my wrist, and into the sink.

I quickly snap out of my trance and clean up, hiding my razor back in the cabinet under the sink, and wash off my wrist. I walk out of the bathroom, the cool air burning the 3 cuts on my wrist.

I run to the hall closest and grab a fluffy black blanket just in case they bleed more, but mostly because I'm wearing short sleeves and need to cover them up.

"Sorry I took so long guys!" I say trying to be happy as possible. But now I am happy. I know I'm alive. That's all I need, when you think of someone harming themselves you think that they'd be crying, that they'd be regretting it.. Sometimes I regret it. But not this time.

"While I'm up does anyone what me to make so sandwiches and drinks?" Everyone nods yes so I prance into the kitchen and get out the peanut butter, jelly, and kool-aid. The perfect excuse to have to put on a long sleeve shirt..

"I hope everyone's okay with PBJ's and look-aid!" I yell happily, they all reply yes.

I clumsily spill The kool-aid on my shirt. "Shit! Bayani can I borrow a shirt?" I ask knowing his answer will be yes.. "I'm sorry I'm so clumsy" I say laughing as I notice Graser asleep on H's shoulder.. They're so cute!

"Sure Will, any shirt I don't really care which one." He replies, still laughing.

I run back to our bedroom, dropping the blanket in the hallway. I rummage through the drawer before I find a tie-dyed, long sleeve, over sized shirt.. I quickly slip it over my head and run back into the living room.

*Time skip because I don't feel like describing Will making sandwiches..*

I finish making the sandwiches and pass them out to everyone but Graser, since he's asleep.

After I pass out the food and drinks as we decide to let the guys stay the night since it's about 10:30.. We've all just been talking about life for about 2 hours, why not just keep doing that..? We won't get to talk face to face for awhile after Prime, we just have to make the most of it.

I'm just going to forget about harming myself, I'm not going to dwell on it for hours upon hours like I have before. I just hope nobody finds out.

I feel relieved so to say since I cut.. My skin doesn't feel to tight anymore, almost like my head is cleared of all bad thoughts, I put all my concentrated sadness and anger into three slashes. And I definitely don't regret it.

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A/N

Please know I DO NOT promote self harm or any thing along the lines of that in this fanfiction.

I've been making everything up, it seems to be a bother to some people that I make these things up about Will, but I find it interesting that I'm able to do this type of stuff and just work it into the lives of others and show how it can effect the people around you in negative ways.

I AM NOT ROMANTICIZING SELF HARM BY ANY MEANS WHAT SO EVER.

And I'm gonna go for 5 votes and 5 comments before I update the next chapter.. And I might not have time to do it tomorrow, and if I do it'll be later on that night :) and school starts back up this week so my updates will be scarce but I'm not going to abandon this FF :)

SORRY THIS A/N IS LONG :c

I also didn't proof read so feel free to point out any of my mistakes :)

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xHeyImCubex
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