Tantrum

Ch. 11 For me

*** Gwen's POV ***

Spencer's reaction when I answered the door was unexpected. I didn't quite know what to make of it. It's like we keep slipping into this familiar space as if we hadn't met under these weird circumstances. It is a space where I am not a client under scrutinity. A space where I feel a little less overwhelmed by what my life has become. A space where I can see myself being romantic and sexual and loved.

I don't want to keep him waiting too long but I take a little extra care in putting myself together. The way he looked at me and held me this morning stirred something that I want to retain. Even if I will just be spending time getting myself healthy for now, I want Spencer to look at me like he had earlier.

I leave my room and find Spencer in my living room. He gives me a tight smile and hands me my phone. "Oh good! You found it."

"Yeah. Are you ready?" He asks, glancing at his watch. His demeanor has shifted again. I wonder if something happened on the phone with my mom.

"What's the word from Moe?" My phone won't turn on, probably needs charged.

"Moe?"

"Oh!" I laugh realizing my mistake. "Moe's my mom's nickname."

"Oh that makes a lot of sense. She's fine. Tim is apprehensive about coming home. She suggested keeping them for a bit, but honestly I think you need their support right alongside you. We can see where everyone stands on it after breakfast." He says nonchalantly, like we're deciding something low-stakes like whether to take a walk or not.

I suddenly feel very nervous about how the next few weeks might play out. If it is anything like last night, I don't want the boys around to witness that. Spencer must realize my hesitation. "It'll be fine, Gwen. You are stronger than you think."

I glance at him. He is focused on the road and his jaw twitches with the tension that he is carrying. I'm not sure if it is my situation that is stressing him out or something else. "So how was your night?"

He shifts in his seat. "Fine."

"Did you catch up with your girl?" I hate that I want to know so badly.

He hesitated. "Yeah."

His one word responses are agitating. I feel like I am taking to Tim. "And?"

"And it's really not any of your business." His snappy response catches me off-guard. We talk about personal matters plenty. I shut my mouth, which fell open in surprise. I sneak a glance at him and notice him seemingly at war with himself.

Silence looms large between us before he finally speaks. "I'm sorry, okay? I just...I realized that maybe I've been a bit unprofessional in my interactions with you and we...I need to reset boundaries."

"Mmm." I hum, not understanding where this is coming from especially after the way he made me feel this morning.

"The next few weeks are going to be tough. If I'm going to be helping you through, I can't be your buddy. And honestly, I should have never..." He is trying to explain when I cut him off.

I'm pissed by his hot-cold flip-flopping. "I get it. You're here in a professional capacity. I'm a case number."

"Jesus, Gwen. That's not what I meant." He grumbles as the GPS guides him to turn down my mom's street.

"Stop. I need to cool down before I go in there. I'll walk the rest of the way." I instruct. I feel oddly rejected although I understand completely his need to work in a professional capacity.