Tantrum

Ch. 23 Messy Business

*** Gwen's POV ***

"I need help with the lights!" Moe is acting weird. Or maybe I am just reading into it. I don't know.

After fleeing the hospital, I turned my phone off and drove. Somehow I ended up at this old fieldhouse where Tammie and I used to go when we were young. I actually remember the last time we met up there. She told me she had met the man of her dreams, Clint. Little did she know, he'd be the chief player in her nightmares.

My mind drifts to Spencer. He started as my worst nightmare. Someone who saw through my bullshit and had the power to strip me of the responsibilities I never expected to take on. Then he became my...our salvation.

His care and compassion remains constant, even when he distanced himself to be certain I got the help that I needed. Why would he just throw that all away?

My heart hurt to answer that question. Because he has had a thing for Mandy for awhile now. I distracted him when I needed him but now that we're pretty functional, I don't need him as much. And now with this whole tattletale business, he's going to lose everything because of me. I wouldn't want to be around me either.

I reach up and realize that I'm crying over this. I'm not usually someone who cries publicly. Yet here I am. Pathetic.

No. I'm not. I shake my head as if trying to dislodge the maladaptive thought. I've grown so much from where I was when I first became a guardian of two troubled boys. Even if Spencer isn't my future, he gave me a chance at making it on my own. A chance that I shouldn't take for granted.

With renewed and perhaps resigned spirit, I drove to my mom's to gather the boys. They are elbows deep in some Christmas project my mom gave them and my mom...well as I established, she is acting weird. Even weirder than normal.

"Mom, you know I'm useless with electronics. Get Tim to help." I reply.

"I bet you Spencer knows a bunch too." Mason chimes in.

I sigh. I'm so nervous about telling them that Spencer will likely not be around as much now. My mom catches my eye and I swear it's like she knows or at least suspects. "Mom, have you heard from Spencer today?" I'm curious as to what he'd say to her. Surely, not that he broke my heart. He knows Moe would have his balls.

My mom is a horrible liar. "Uh no, have you?" She is starting at the door as if willing him to walk through at that moment.

"Moe..."

She gives me a look and grabs my elbow, dragging me into the other room. "He was coming here. I don't know what happened." She blurts out.

I sigh. "He's coming to end things, I'm pretty sure."

"What?! No!" Maureen gasps. "He said..."

"Look, Ma. It's okay. He's better off with someone like Mandy. We'll be okay. I mean, the boys will be disappointed but maybe Spencer will still..." I'm rambling because I know if I stop the thickness in my throat will escape as a sob and give away my sadness.

"Stop it, Guinevere! Shush and listen! Please!" My mom presses her cold fingertips to my flapping lips. My eyes instantly well with tears. My mom looks at me pitifully. "Oh sweetheart."

She throws her arms around my neck and hugs me tightly. I can't fight the ugly strangled sound that breaks free. Big fat tears are rolling down my cheeks. I feel like my heart is going to fall out of my chest, dead and useless.