Let Me In | Herophine Fic

In Person

HERO

"Well, look at you," At the top of the stairs, Mila stands all ready for her first day of school at Manor Primary. It's been a mixture of emotions for me today. The team gave me and a few of the other guys the day off. We may be professional footballers but firstly, we're fathers and our families come first. Which in my case, means Mila comes first. And she always will.

A smile spreads across her face as she twirls around, swaying her hips from side to side.

"I'm going to big girl's school!" She starts jumping up and down repeatedly at the top of the stairs while I'm waiting here for her by the front door. I've been under her instruction this morning that she's a big girl now and can get ready herself. I knew this was coming but I honestly didn't think it would come so quickly. She's starting school. On my days off, I'll be at home on my own. Not able to play with her, or take her to the park or swings or anything. What the hell am I going to do with myself? I clearly need a hobby, other than football.

"You look all grown up, darling. Come and give daddy a hug," carefully, Mila begins to descend down the stairs and runs into my arms as I crouch down. She's all excited but as I said, for me, it's a mixture of emotions. I'm so happy she's starting school, she's going to thrive there and I'm excited. But in another respect, I'm devastated. My little girl is growing up and the one person I wanted to share all of this with, the person who gave me Mila isn't here. It kills me that she's not here to see her trot off into school today for the first time. But I suppose - or rather, I hope - she's watching in her own way. I've fought back the heavy waves of emotion I've felt since I went to sleep last night. Internally, I keep telling myself to get a grip and pull myself together but that's proving easier said than done.

My arms tighten around Mila's waist just for a few moments longer before I pull away and smooth her hair out of her face. I know she's brushed it but I'm going to have to learn how to do something with it. A ponytail or plaits, maybe. It looks okay but it's bordering on her looking like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards.

"Are you okay, daddy?" I smile, swallowing down the heavy lump in my throat, threatening to out me to her.

"I am, sweetheart. I'm just sad mummy isn't here to see you go to school today," slowly, a soft smile creeps across Mila's face.

"But she is, daddy. Mummy can see everything because she's in heaven," a fresh wave of emotion flows through me which I fight. I'll never know what I did to deserve my daughter.

"You're very right, darling. She'll be watching like she always is. Come on, let's put your shoes on and then we'll get going."

The drive to Manor Primary seemed to pass by in a blur. There were no red lights, no traffic, no nothing. The roads were completely empty. It's like the fates decided that this morning, we were going to arrive in mere seconds rather than minutes.

Mila's not stopped talking about school and how excited she is since she first woke up. And the drive here has been no different. She's questioned what she'll be doing on the first day. Who her friends are going to be. What her teacher will be like. What's the first thing she'll be doing at school. What books she'll be reading. I chose this school because of its early start curriculum. She may be going into Reception but she'll be having actual classes, not learning by play primarily. I want her to have the best start in education and this was the place that offered that in our area. She'll be given homework twice a week too and a strange part of me is looking forward to doing that with her and working on the sheets she'll be given. I hated homework at school, I just wanted to kick a football around.

Pulling up in front of the school, I switch the car off and tell Mila to wait for me to get her. I've got to park on the main road as the school is set back from the curb and I don't want her jumping onto the road. Sauntering around, I check to see no one's coming and lift her out of the car and into my arms.