Cover by: @authornataliaava
🔞🔞WARNING {18+}🔞🔞
Sequel to: In Need of a Muse.
⚠Book Two CAN'T be read as a standalone.
Timay finds herself back where she started, distracting herself with meaningless sex, the only difference this time, she's runn...
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Determination.
Ever noticed how it begins with a word that means discourage? There are so many synonyms for the word deter, none of them good or positive, by the way. Slap mination behind it and there you go, something good.
I know, so fucking morbid but bear with me.
It's a real funny thing, wouldn't you say?
Just like motivation, eh?
Determination and motivation.
You can be determined or motivated to take on the world but as soon as you're in the driver's seat – I don't mean that figuratively this time round – that determination begins to waver and fear sets in.
Ahhh fear.
Fear is always rearing its ugly head when you think you've got this shit under control. It's always lurking, ready to stick its claws into you.
It's a proverbial shitshow that many can relate to, I sure can.
I mean I haven't been sitting in my car for the last hour watching the sun begin to set on the horizon. I haven't been worrying if I'm making the right choice here. I haven't been questioning my life choices, again. I haven't been mulling over the pros and cons. I most definitely haven't been too scared to start my car and drive.
Nope, not me, nu-huh.
I've got balls of steel!
Fear? I punch that shit in the face and make a meal outta it.
Okay, maybe not – see this is where I go wrong, I always take these things way too far and no one buys the bullshit I'm selling.
Right? That's where I go wrong, isn't it?
Anyhow, who am I kidding? I have been sitting in my car for the last hour and why, you may ask?
Fuck knows – I'd love to meet fuck, she seems to know everything and yes, I said she... Don't act like you don't know why.
Right, fuck knows, that's why.
I was so adamant on not wasting a second more where Noah is involved but here, I am, wasting away in my car, too afraid to take that leap. I know I love him, that much is clear and a part of me knows he loves me too but then you've got that other part of me.
You know the one?
She's covered in scars and fading bruises. She's in a corner still trying to piece her broken heart back together and she's almost got it except the small shard that seems to be missing. You can see the fear in her unguarded orbs that were once filled with hope. You can see the longing she so desperately wants to vanquish.
She's holding me back from going after what I want. She's instilling fear in me that Noah doesn't wholeheartedly reincorporate my love even though my highly overactive brain is telling me otherwise.
