Utilized [h.s] - slow updates

Chapter 18.

I'm not ok with what I'm feeling right now. Drinking is always a 50/50 chance; either you feel nothing or you feel absolutely everything . . . and I'm somewhere in between . . . Nothing seems certain anymore and I'm drowning in my own insecurities.

''You know when I was a kid, I was beautiful and by beautiful I don't mean in looks but just in fact that I was happy.'' I slumber while Harry's leaning against the wall infront of me, having his arms crossed and looking pleased at me.

I drink so I can die while I'm living, because if being drunk isn't being happy, then what do you call this calming feeling when my lips collide with the bottle and vodka and tequila runs down my throat?

''To be, or not to be. . .I wish someone would tell me.'' I slumber once again and lift up the vodka bottle to my lips before I take five sips. With my feet hanging down from the office table and the bottle in my hands, I look finally up against Harry and we make eye contact.

He moved us from the bathroom and took us to his . . . office? To be honest, I don't have a fucking clue about where we are. I were busy taking hold of the two vodka bottles along the way.

Just as before, we are completely by ourselves in a dark room. New York City's lighting is the only thing that lights up the room. The moon on the dark sky among all the other bright stars that shine clearly makes Harry's face beaming, and I can feel the heat in here rises, or is it just me?

He still stands at the same place and checking me. Not for a second he hasn't taken his eyes off me. ''I know the game you're playing and I wanna play too.'' I say, lifting the almost empty bottle as I have wrapped completely self.

Harry lifts his eyebrows while he takes his thumb and drag it longest his lower lip and looks hungrily at me. Damn he's hot.

What feels like hours, it has anyway been like this for a while now. Harry has just leaned against that wall and listened to my bullshit and I have been sitting here on the desk talking . . .

''I'm drunk and horny . . . Am I drorny then?'' Once again I lift the bottle to my lips and took the final remaining.

Harry chuckle and emits his sexy smile before he says with joy ''Horny doesn't even begin to describe how I feel.'' my teeth grabs my bottom lip and I feel how it starts to feel down there.

With a grin on my lips, I part my legs and say ''Oh really, whisper how much you want me and then feel how wet that made me.'' I lift up my red, black burlesque dress over my thighs so that my black, striped high stockings are visible which I know will attract Harry more than it already does.

''I want to feel and caress your body. I want to explore all of you.'' Harry says clearly even though he has a little alcohol in him. His hands fall down on either side of him as he makes his way over here and Harry's hungry gaze affects me fully. I want him now.

The light from the city makes his green stunning eyes sparkle and his jawbone is clear and attractive. So handsome. ''You know . . . I am like a snowflake, one touch and I'm wet.'' I say before I swallow the lump in my throat.

His well built body is now between my legs, his eyes are burning with hunger while checking down at me with a smirk. ''I think we would get along better if I had my penis inside you.'' All of a sudden I can feel how two large hands lands on my thighs and begins to fondle me and then just suddenly I drop all of the air.

I was incapable of uttering a single word in response. He encircled my waist with his strong hands and tugged me impossibly closer to him, his hard-on pressing deliciously against my abdomen.

His lips goes under my ear and begins to emit wet kisses and some nipping. ''I want to choke you against the wall while I kiss and undress you.'' Harry groans just in my ear. Oh my.