Just another magical crack fic

The Battle

I walked through the marble lobby I had visited so many times, for in-service training, for meetings with Rita, on my quest for pixie knowledge. As I progressed, the columns began to float away and the floor shifted below me. The large bronze elevator doors at the end of the gradually dissolving hallway slowly opened to reveal a red upholstered chair like you would find in the waiting area of a doctor's office. The scratchy red woven fabric was even a little linty and frayed, and I scoffed at the discourtesy. I finally seated myself on the chair and pressed the only button, a star, and as the doors began to close, I heard, the sweetest, most ridiculously obnoxious voice ring out, "Hold the elevator biatch! We're here!"

Instinctively, I jammed my foot in the path of the doorway, hoping it would stop the door from closing, UNLIKE THE METRO, don't try that, and saw the most wonderful sight. Rushing toward the elevator from the nether were Annie, Tate, and Charlie. "We've come to help you, dumbass. We're going to like, fuck shit up," Charlie panted, gasping for breath between each phrase, when he finally reached the elevator about eight seconds after everyone else.

"Are you sure you guys want to do this? I don't know what will happen to us if we don't win. I don't even know what's going to happen or what we will have to face. This might be the end." As I spoke, I wedged my foot back into the door to keep the elevator from beginning its ascent. Or descent. Or whatever.

Tate spoke up." If this is the end, then this is where I want to be. And who I want to be with." He squeezed my shoulder. The left side door banged my ankle again.

"I have been around for a long time and I knew I didn't agree with how things were happening and being run, so being in a position to rectify some of the things that have bothered me for so long is definitely worth it." Annie looked far away as she spoke. Annie's words were always thoughtful and worthwhile. I saw her resolve as much as I heard it in her declaration.

Charlie, recovered from the exertion of running a few yards, remarked, "Fuck guys, let's just go! This is boring!"

"WAITTTT!" We all looked up to see Jack bolting toward us at top speed. "WAIT! I want to help!"

"Jack? How on earth (question mark?) did you get here? It's dangerous! They want to steal all the pixies' magic! They can take it from us if we don't sing a horrible repertoire of obnoxious songs!" All my thoughts came rumbling out as fast as possible.

"Then it's a good thing I brought this!" Jack whips out his electric guitar, and Charlie basically orgasms untouched.

"How did you get here even?" I asked. "I followed you. I followed the tether. I knew you needed me." Jack replied. "I knew that everyone I care about needed me."

Charlie huffed again. "Ok, NOW can we fucking go? I'm getting claustrophobic from all you assholes being in the same elevator as me, and why is there only one chair?" The doors closed and, contrary to all my guesses, I think we went parallel through space (question mark?) to wherever the magical star button was intending for us to go.

"Ok," I started, attempting to begin making a game plan with my four friends. "I figure since there's five of us, and we should sort of be united in our assault, we should think of songs we all know and that Jack can play."

"Shakes can play me if he wants to," Charlie interjected, and licked his lips.

"Not right now, Charlie. Let's live first. Annie, you're probably the biggest wildcard here, and the most powerful magician. What do you think?"

Annie calmly collected herself before she looked at each of us in turn. "It's very simple. There are five of us. Only one of us is musically talented. Therefore, the answer, as it always is, is boy bands."