Believe me, you'll leave me

12

Nova didn't wanted to see anyone , she felt like everyone let's her down no matter how close she is to them. She was so pissed at Ashtray for bringing her family , she understood why he did , what he did but still she was disappointed. She haven't talked to anyone in days , haven't left her room or answered any of her messages,  especially the ones from Ashtray were he apologized like 30times. She knew she can't stay mad at him forever but she wanted to for as long as she could.
Also she didn't knew that Ashtray was selling drugs to me not that often anymore but still , but that's something no one will ever tell her. Because then she would definitely never talk to him again, well maybe not forever but he would definitely suffer.
Even Fezco tried to talk to her , but obviously it didn't worked , and since that had happened Ashtray haven't left the house since too he felt empty without her.

I was watching ' the notebook ' for the 10th time this week , I haven't talked to anyone in 3 weeks and only left the house once. Rue tried to get her shit together but that didn't worked , I look at my phone Ali is calling me I haven't talked to him forever I decided to pick up

" hi Ali " i say quite , " Nova where have u been the last weeks ?" He asks me " I didn't felt very good " , I try not to cry " meet me at 6 at the milkshake place " he says " I really don't feel li-" , " Nova no excuses at 6 you going to be there " he hangs up the phone. Great , how do I now gonna explain all of this to him. I look at the mirror , I've notice I lost some weight , I have really bad eye bags.
I look like an fucking addict

I walk up to Ali, " you look like ur on your deathbed " he jokes around " Stop this Ali " I say smiling , we walk into the place and sit across each other. " I can't do this anymore" I finally speak up , " what exactly " , " I look like an fucking addict,  I start acting like rue I ruin every relationship I've ever had with anyone" I say quite " with who did you ruined your relationship?" He asks , " with ashtray ,my mom ,rue " I think about him , how I have been ignoring him for almost 1 month.

"The little boy your always with" , " yes "  " and why do you think I've ruined it?" He looks at me "because I've been ignoring him for a month" I say looking down " and that's why you think you've ruined it , Nova if he's a real friend he understands that u need time, look the worst part of having a diseases of addiction besides from having a disease,is that no one in the world sees it as a disease,  they see you as selfish and destructive,  they think why should I give a fuck about her if she doesn't give a fuck about herself ,why does this girl deserve my time my patience,  my sympathy? If she wants to kill herself let her , but luckily you aren't the only person on planet earth who has this diseases. There happens to be people like  e , who understand that - you aren't all that bad , and so does he"

It's always so comforting talking to Ali,  he is like a father figure in my life " so you don't think they hate me?" I ask him while picking on my sweater " see it that way how do you want your friends and family to remember you when you leave this earth? " he asks me , I think about it for a couple of minutes " as someone who tried really hard to be someone I couldn't "

He doesn't say anything after a couple of minutes in silence he smiles " you're a good person Nova" he says , my eyes start watering " thank you Ali " I stop for a second to dry my tears " thank you " I repeat myself more quite this time.
I felt better after talking to him , I always do after talking to him how I said at some point he is my father figure. After I went back home , and go back to my room I hear someone knock on my door I don't answer but she still comes in.

" what ?" I ask her , " can we talk ?" Rue says while sitting down next to me , I nods and wait for her to start " Look I didn't meant what I said , I swear it was just-"  , " a good timing to tell me right!" , I intrupt her " fuck no it's not that but i was just really brought up that day " she says " rue please be honest to me , you're not sober aren't you ?" I look at her but she looks away " no " she says quite , barely for me to hear.

" but it's not fezco or Ashtray selling you them ?" Oh please let it not be the answer that I think , she thinks about it for a second " no they don't " , I let out a deep breath " Okey Okey". " btw,  Ashtray is dying to talk to you , please text him back or some shit but he's not having a better time than you " she says ,leaving my room

Yeah she is probably right I really should text him back , haven't spoke to him in a month so

Ash🚀

               hi

nova,  hey
how have you been?
look I'm sorry I'm really am

                       I know I forgive you

can we see each other ?

                       yeah meet me at 5 at Taco Bell

got it

I've really missed him , talking to him about everything and just everything he is my best friend. I've decided to wear something comfortable

Your outfit :

I was already,  waiting outside I've saw him walking up he wore the tracksuit I gave him as a present,  I immediately had the urge to cry out of nowhere. I walk up to him and as I reach him I stop for a second look at him and hug him , very tight " I'm sorry I let you down" , " why?" He asks me quite , " because I'm not a good person " I rest my head on his shoulder " thats not true " , I start crying I swear I'm not even so emotional it must've been the medicine. "I've missed you so much " I whisper,  " I missed you " he says quite back. I finally let go of him and my whole face is full with mascara ,

" you look horrible " he says trying to clean my face " fuck off " I laugh , " I didn't actually wanted to go Taco bells " I look at him " I know man " he laughs  " actually fez wanted to talk, to you so "  , " really ?" , I raise my brow while we were walking to Ashtrays place " yea yea ". " about what ?"I ask him confused " I don't know just ask himself when we get there " , I nod and try to think about what he wanna talk about with me.