A Mutually Assure Attraction

The day that changed everything

"That night will haunt me for the rest of my life" or at least that's what I thought.

For over a year now, I've kept what happened that night a secret. I never even told my parents or best friend that I was raped by my swim coach the day of try outs for the boys swim team freshman year of high school.

*Flashback *

"Hey Cam, nice work today. I think you've gotten faster" my best friend, Hayden said as he came over to where I was getting out of the pool.

"Yeah, but I think I could use a little more work on my take off" I said smiling at him before adding "I think I'm gonna do one more set, I'll meet you by the oak tree and we can walk home together."

"Okay see you in a bit" Hayden said turning to head to the locker rooms.

Little did I know that choice would cost me part of myself.

When I was done, I headed to the locker room to shower and change. Everyone else had already left so the locker room was empty when I reached it. Having grabbed my clothes out of my locker, I headed over to the showers. I put my clothes on a bench and hung my towel on the closest peg then moved into the showers. I rinsed and removed my swim pants and cap then laid them on the bench to dry. Returning to the showers, I started bathing myself as I thought about confessing my feelings to Hayden when I heard a noise. Before I could turn to investigate, a hand was placed over my mouth and another was pulling my left arm tight behind my back.

"You are way too cute, like an innocent little angel. I'm gonna enjoy ravaging that precious body of yours" the coach growled into my ear as he pushed me face down onto the wet tile floor while I struggled to free myself. Still holding my arm behind me and using his entire body weight to keep me pinned, he took his hand off my mouth before shoving his fingers deep inside me making me scream. After a few moments, he removed his hand and what he did next I will never forget.

After what felt like an eternity, he was finally finished. As he got up to leave, he said "now get cleaned up and go home. If you tell anyone I'll say you seduced me for a better spot on the team" then he was gone. I laid there for another minute, too afraid of him coming back to move until I heard the door latch. Pulling myself up, I turned the water back on and to as hot a temperature as I could stand as I tried to clean as much of him off me as I could while tears streaked down my face. Still feeling dirty, I got out of the shower and got dressed. Gathering up my things, I headed to the oak tree and as I walked I decided not to tell Hayden my feelings and not to tell anyone what happened. I knew everyone but Hayden would blame me instead of seeing me as the victim I am since I had always been what they called "angelically cute" with my tall and slender frame, short blonde hair and crystal blue eyes.

* Present day *

Summer, two weeks before the start of sophomore year of high school.

"What is going on with you? First, you quit the swim team, and now with the tattoos and piercings. I mean I get that were teenagers and we're supposed to rebel but I never thought you of all people would take it this far" Hayden said as he watched me get yet another piercing, this time in my bottom lip on the left side.

"And I pray you never have to find out," I thought as the tattoo artist inserted the hook shaped needle through my lip. When I could speak again, I said "I just don't wanna look like that 'sweet angel' anymore" as I made a disgusted face. Hayden knew what I meant since we had been best friends since we were children.

"Dude, I figured that out when you decided to grow out your hair a few months ago" Hayden said rolling his emerald green eyes that were partly covered by his chocolate brown hair. Hayden is pretty good looking with a tall and slender frame like mine, great for swimmers, and a mind as sharp as the knife he was currently carrying in the side pocket of his black cargo pants.

"This is what, your twelfth piercing in six months? Everyone's gonna have a hard time recognizing you at school in a few weeks. Better question, how are you gonna hide it from your parents?" he asked with a worried expression on his otherwise striking features.

"Nine not twelve, Hayden and I honestly don't care. As for my parents, we barely talk anymore not since I quit the swim team" I told him honestly while we waited for the tattoo artist to come back with the after care kit.

"You know, no one would guess that you're the top student in the new sophomore class with the way you look" Hayden smirked and then chuckled.

"Yeah well, it pays to be practically invisible and have no clubs to deal with" I shrugged as the tattoo artist returned. Thanking him, we got up and headed to the counter to pay for my piercing.

"Wait, don't we have gym first semester? How are you gonna hide the tattoos?" he asked with a worried frown that gave him a kind of puppy dog-ish look.

"I'll change in the bathroom down the hall so no one sees and then store my clothes in my locker during class" I said and then thought "bonus is getting to avoid the locker rooms" as I paid for my latest piercing. As we left the tattoo shop, Hayden paused as we were walking down the street.

"Cam, I know something is going on with you. More than you just simply wanting a different look" he said from a few paces back. I almost went stone still, choosing instead to turn and look at him.

"I don't know what you mean" I said trying to keep any hint of emotion out of my voice.

"Cameron, don't play dumb with me. I know you too well for that" he said moving to stand in front of me, "you don't have to tell me. I know there are things you can't or won't share with me or anyone else out of fear or shame and that's fine. I just want you to know that I know something's been bugging you since swim try outs last year and that when you're ready I'm here to listen or talk if that's what you'd prefer" he said sounding concerned.

"You're right, there are things I can't or won't tell you. Like the fact that I'm gay, have been for our entire friendship and that I'm in love with you" I thought but simply said "okay thanks." We started walking again and as we did we passed our favorite pancake shop.