A Mutually Assure Attraction

The truth comes out

"Hey are you okay? You looked a bit uncomfortable back there" I asked Jonathan who was still busy catching his breath.

"Yeah, thanks to you. That was really overwhelming. Are they always like that?" Jonathan asked watching me move to sit on the ground around the corner of the building from the rooftop door.

"They mostly aren't but I guess today has been a day of surprises for them" I said.

"What do you mean?" Jonathan asked.

"First, let me ask you a question: you're gay right?" I asked wanting to make sure of what I already suspected was true.

"Yeah, I guess you could tell. May I?" he asked gesturing to the ground next to me.

"Yeah. And to explain the surprises, I haven't always looked like this," I gestured to myself. "I used to look a lot like my best friend, Hayden, though with blonde hair and blue eyes where his are chocolate brown and green. I was on the swim team too. They called me 'the ace' but then something happened and I lost my love of the water so I quit. Then I decided to look how I wanted, not how others expected me to. So, I grew out my hair and got several tattoos and piercings over summer break. So, I went from the star athlete to looking essentially like a punk within a few months and no one but Hayden knew about it until this morning. They saw me first assuming I was the transfer student, which Hayden got a kick out of, and then you were introduced to us. So, it's been an eventful first day of school for everyone else."

"Oh, do you by chance have a picture of you from before the transformation?" he asked.

"I don't, I don't want to remember those times but I'm sure Hayden probably does on his phone" I explained with a shrug.

"Hmm you two must be really close. You talk about him a lot" Jonathan observed.

"Yeah, you could say that. We've been friends since we were kids so we've been through a lot. Even so, there are things he still doesn't know about me. Like the fact that I'm gay too, have been since we first met or that he was actually my first love not that I ever acted on it since he's straight" I explained as I heard the click of the rooftop door closing signaling that we were no longer alone. Knowing who it was, I decided to keep talking "he doesn't know what happened to cause this change. He just knows something is bugging me, causing me to change as much as possible."

"If you don't mind me asking, what did happen to you? You cannot move on and begin to heal if you hold it in forever. It may even ruin any relationship you have in the future" Jonathan explained.

"You may be right about that. Okay, maybe it's about time I tell someone" I said as I thought "thank god, I cannot see his face for all of this even though I know he'll hear every word." Looking away and out over the school grounds, I sighed and began to explain what happened "I was raped by someone I was supposed to be able to trust. Someone who was supposed to teach me how to refine my techniques and become the best swimmer I could possibly be," looking over towards where I knew Hayden was hearing every word, "having to see him everyday made me hate swimming and hate myself even more. The only way I got through it was knowing that I had one person in this world I could trust no matter what and who would always be on my side whether he knew how much he was helping me or not." Then taking a deep breath, I decided to make it known that I knew Hayden was there the whole time and I said "Isn't that right, Hayden?"

"Wait, someone else was here this whole time? How did you know?" Jonathan asked surprised.

"I heard the door click while I was talking about how long I've known Hayden and the only person who would've known where I would've gone when we disappeared was him. Come on out, Hayden. I know you heard everything" I said knowing the look on his face was going to be either one of shock, horror, anger, or a mixture of the three.

"Now I get it, I get why you quit. I wouldn't be able to keep doing it or seeing him everyday either. But why would you think you had to keep the fact that you're gay from me? You didn't think I would freak out about it, did you? Now granted your confession just now was a bit of a shock but still. And I know why you didn't tell me, you didn't want me to quit too or to do something rash and get expelled" Hayden rambled for a few minutes with a look of horror and anguish on his face.

"Should we try and calm him down?" Jonathan asked.

"Nope, he's working through everything he just learned that I've been keeping from him. It's best to let it go until he looses momentum. He'll probably break down at the end of it, so be ready to witness the waterworks" I warned him, knowing what was about to happen. Just as predicted, Hayden soon lost momentum and had tears running down his face by the end of his rant. Standing up and approaching him, as tears began streaking down my own face, I wiped them away and said "I'm sorry, I didn't tell you about me or about what happened. I wanted to tell you but I didn't want to loose you on top of everything else this has already cost me. I do and always will love you more than you will ever know and you know I trust you with my life. So, please stop crying and say something."

"You're an idiot, you know that right. You should've just told me instead of pretending to be straight this past year and why tell Jonathan instead of me?" Hayden said glaring at me.

"Jonathan is like me, he's gay too so I knew he wouldn't out me. The thing is, after the attack I really wanted to be straight. So, I tried to change myself by forcing myself to sleep with girls even though it wasn't satisfying" I explained. Then taking a deep breath, added "I had also hoped that maybe it would help stop me from having romantic feelings towards you, Hayden. As for telling him first instead of you, I knew you were here too but I couldn't face you when I explained it. He was right when he said talking about it would help me more than keeping it locked inside. So, I knew it was time."

"I don't really mind that you have feelings for me though. Wait, is that why you always looked uncomfortable when we were changing for swim practice?" Hayden asked putting the pieces together.

"Yeah, I had to force myself to look somewhere other than at you so it wouldn't be obvious how I felt about you to you or anyone else. I had almost decided to tell you the truth about myself and how I felt before the attack but after I just... couldn't. I didn't want to be rejected on top of all of the emotional trauma. I understand if you don't want to be friends anymore" I said looking at the ground instead of at him.

"Why would I do that? We've been best friends since we were kids, why would I up and abandon you now? It was a shock but I can handle figuring out how I feel about it while still staying by your side like I always have" he said before turning to look at Jonathan and adding "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to have a complete melt down in front of you Jonathan," as he finally acknowledged that we weren't alone.

"Nah, it's cool. I've seen much worse freak outs for much less than what you found out in the last few minutes," Jonathan replied, "it honestly would've been too much for most people to handle but you took it in and worked through it rather quickly to get your head back on straight. It's impressive, I see why Cam likes you so much both as a friend and romantically. Sorry, if me saying it again makes you uncomfortable."

"Nah, it's fine. I just can't believe that I never figured it out. Eleven years, we've known each other for eleven years and I apparently don't know you as well as I thought. You must have worked incredibly hard not to make it obvious to anyone" Hayden said looking into my eyes for the first time since he came to the roof.

* Ring, ring, ring *

"Come on guys, lets head back to class" I said realizing that we had been talking almost the entire lunch break. Glancing at Hayden as I passed, I headed to the door followed by Jonathan with Hayden taking up the rear.

As the boys descended the stairs and walked down the hall, Hayden kept thinking about everything he had learned on the roof.

* badum, badum, badum*

Hayden could hear the pounding of his own heart beat so loud now, "why is this happening? What's wrong with me?" He thought as they entered the classroom. He made an effort not to look at Cam or Jonathan for the next few classes, not wanting them to see how uncomfortable he was with himself. He realized that Cam's revelation made him happy and that was why his heart was beating so hard. He couldn't understand why that would make him so happy though.