"What's wrong Mi Vida?" (Mirabel Madrigal Angst)

'Keep my mind calm'

(1176 words) 

she rubbed her eyes wearily, mumbling as she sat up. Placing her glasses on her face, confused as to where she was.

"Good morning sobrina," pepa came into view, smiling warmly at the sight of her tired niece.

"Your mamá is busy making breakfast with agustín," she said. "They should be back soon," she smiled sitting down beside her.

"Do you remember much- from last night?" pepa asked carefully,

did she remember?

she did, she remembered the feeling of her swaying legs on the cold roof tiles. Her blood soaking into her shirt, the bile that stung her throat as she heaved herself out of her pá's arms.

Her mamá's gentle hands that cupped her face, brushing away her fears and pain.

She shook her head softly, choosing to lie, ignoring her tiá's worry.

"Sorry Tiá..." she mumbled, "Oh don't worry about it Mira, I'm sure Julieta will talk to you," Pepa said smiling, she desperately wanted to push, however, she didn't want to overstep.

"I'll leave you alone for a bit," she said giving Mirabel some space.

"Thanks,"

"Where is the rest of the Familia?" abuela asked, everyone just shrugged, as pepa and Julieta came in with food.

"Sorry mamá, I'll have to miss breakfast today, enjoy everyone," Julieta said leaving.

"Hm?" abuela hummed in question toward Agustín, he just smiled awkwardly deciding not to speak on the matter.

"Mirabel?" Julieta asked as she opened her door, "I have some breakfast mi Vida"

she stopped once she realized the room was empty, 'breathe Julieta, don panic yet, she might be in her room.'

She knocked on the nursery door, "Mirabel? I have some breakfast for you amor." the door opened a crack revealing Mirabel's face, she opened the door slowly allowing her mom inside.

"Ay Mi Vida, you're supposed to be resting, why are you up here cleaning?" she asked setting the food down.

"I just felt restless, sorry Mami"

"What happened last night mi amor," Julieta asked, wanting answers to the state they found her in.

"I-"

"Breathe amor, it's okay." her mama brushed her hair out of her face,

"I was only trying to get some air, I- was delirious in tiredness and b-blood loss, I didn't mean to scare you..." she muttered tears escaping her eyes

"Okay, but that doesn't explain why you hurt yourself mi Vida." her mother rubbed her hand in comfort.

"I don't know, I don't know what happened, or what came over me. I just-" she mumbled, exhaling in frustration.

"Sometimes we can't always put our feelings into words, amor, I understand," she said soothing her daughter's tears.

"But please, if this happens again, or you have the feeling to hurt yourself." she said, "come to us, we're always here for you."

"Okay mamá," Julieta smiled warmly, "now eat, you need your strength back." Mirabel gingerly accepted the food.

"I'll help you clean," Julieta said, picking up items strewn across the floor while she ate.

--

She knew it would be hard to get her parents to stop worrying now, maybe put on a braver face, or stop shutting yourself away.

'I will learn,' she thought. Never make them worry again, her heart hurt seeing her parents worry, or her tiá's thundering cloud above her head when she worried about her.

She displayed warm and lovely smiles, soothing their worries about her, everyone was quick to buy them up, like it was the last thing left to find comfort in. it made everyone happy so what was the harm?

She had noticed Dolores's worried glances, but she felt relief that she never brought anything up.

---

'Has abuela been avoiding me...?' she questioned as she carried plates into the kitchen.

did they tell her, no, they wouldn't, they knew how abuela talked to her? surely. She shook her head clearing her mind, focusing on the task at hand.

"Mirabel!" pepas voice caught her attention, "ay there you are!" she smiled brightly

"Camilo and I are going to town, you should join us," she said, not really asking.

"I would tiá, but I need-"

"Perfecta! come along," her tia said grabbing her arm, not allowing her to say no, although she really did need to put the dishes away.

she was dragged outside with Camilo, as pepa walked ahead of them, the two lagging behind.

She hadn't been outside in a while; her parents having been worried for her safety recently. She breathed in deeply smiling at the warm air that grazed her skin.

Pepa was mostly shopping, there were a few things the Familia needed.

"How have you been?" Camilo asked, trying to break the awkwardness. "I've been fine, how about you?" Mirabel spoke

"I've been good," he replied shifting on his feet.

"that's good." she nodded, "why are you being so awkward, scared to talk to your own cousin?" she joked lightening the mood.

"No- I ugh, you know that's not what it is Mira." he sighed in defeat,

"I know we haven't gotten to talk much anymore, Camilo, but let's try and have fun today," she said smiling warmly, wanting her primo to be happy.

Pepa smiled brightly at the two smiling and talking to each other, it made her heart swell with happiness.

"Tia pepa?" Mirabel asked, "Can we go over there? there are some supplies I've been wanting to pick up" Mirabel asked gesturing to a stall not too far from them, being full of fabric and threads.

"Of course!" she beamed, walking over almost right away.

"Oh, this is so Bonita," her tia said gushing over some brightly colored fabric. Mirabel smiled at the classic coloring of her tia's outfits, feeling the fabric with her fingertips.

"It's beautiful," Mirabel said continuing to browse,

"I just need to grab something for Julieta, ill be right back," pepa said.

"Mhm," she replied subconsciously, focused on the items in her hand.

"I'll take some of this yellow fabric please and this, gracias." she folded the fabric and stuffed it into her bag.

"Let's head back home," pepas voice rung out, calling her over.

She returned to her room with a sigh, pushing her door closed. putting away her newly purchased fabric and threads. Excited to start new projects, a wonderful excuse to stay in her room longer. As much as she adored the newfound attention of her tia, and her parents, she knew they were only doing it because she hurt herself. 

They would just give her attention until she felt better, then slip away back into their old routines. Maybe something will change, at some point- but alas, this is just the way life was. 

She finished writing, slipping her pencil back in its case. Closing the book softly, she set it back into her bookshelf. her family had never been ones to snoop, so she let the book sit in plain sight. The journal wasn't labeled "diary" to anyone else it was a normal book, if they did look they would look for a hidden book, not one in her bookcase. 

All she had to do was wait until they were tired of her, then it could all go back to normal.