How things really are. // Johnnyboy

dust

Sick. Sin. Mistake. Disgusting.

That's what people at school say about gay people. I don't know what the gang thinks about them. When you have so much shit going on in your life, there are some things that don't concern you.

I wonder what they would think if they knew about me.

Because I know I like boys. I know I stare at them for too long at school.

My mind starts racing. What if the gang feel that way too? What if when they found out about the-

"Want eggs, Pony?" Darry asks, skillet in hand. I jump, startled from my thoughts.

"Uh...yeah. Thanks, Darry." I say. He scrapes some scrambled eggs on my plate.

Darry works a lot more during the summer because there's more opportunities to earn money, which is why he shovels in his food then heads out the door within ten minutes of waking up.

Soda doesn't take shifts unless it's in the afternoon, however, so he sits beside me, eating chocolate cake and eggs.

"You doing anything today, Pony?" Soda asks.

I shrug my shoulders. I don't really make plans. More often then not what happens is that someone comes over, says he's gonna do something, and invites me along. Usually it's Johnny or Dally.

"Well, if you do, make sure you leave a note that your out. We don't need a repeat of what happened in May." Soda says, referring to what I call in my mind "The Incident".

Last month, I went to the drive in with Dally and Johnny. We ended up walking home with these two soc girls, but their guys found us and we almost got into a fight. The girls left with them, and Johnny and I fell asleep at the lot. I stayed late, and Darry and I got into a big fight when I finally went home. He hit me, so I ran away with Johnny to the park.

Johnny convinced me to go home, though, so the next morning I walked into the house, half expecting to get hit again. But, instead, Darry ran to me and hugged me, something that he didn't even do before mom and dad died and he became closed off. He started crying and apologized more times then I can count. We talked for a long time after that, and we made up. I promised I would be more careful, and he promised to try to be more understanding.

Things have been okay with us since, but something still feels off. It might always be like that, I'm not sure.

"Yeah, I will." I say. Suddenly the eggs in my mouth taste like dust.

Later, Johnny comes by. I fix him a ham and cheese sandwich because unless Darry feeds him, he doesn't eat much. While he's eating, he tells me that the drive in is having an afternoon showing of a Paul Newman movie, and asks me if I wanna go.

I don't really like afternoon showings because it's harder to see the movie, but I have nothing better to do, so I accept.

I tell Soda I'm going out, and leave a note in case I'm not back by the time Darry comes for a lunch break, because by then Soda will be at the DX.