How things really are. // Johnnyboy

no one told me that love felt so like pain.

The next evening, after dinner, the phone rings. Darry gets up to answer. The gang is over for dinner.

When Darry comes back into the living room, I know something has happened. I can see the suppressed panic in his face.

"The hospital called..." he swallows hard. "We...should go...see...Johnny."

Dally gets up. "What happened, is he okay?"

Darry just looks at him. "We should go."

Half of us go with Darry while the other half goes with Dally.

Soda, Two-Bit, and I all pile in the car with Darry. No one speaks the whole way to the hospital.

Dally got there before us, no doubt by speeding. We all walk out and almost run inside.

Dr. Smith meets us inside. He looks confusedly at everyone else that's with us. "Who are all these people, Mr. Curtis?" He asks Darry.

"There family too." He glances back at the gang. "...extended."

Dr. Smith nods. "Mr. Cade was supposed to be in a coma. But he experienced something we call 'the surge'. It's a sudden surge of energy a patient gets before they slowly decline back into a coma. The odds of them coming out of the coma after that is nearly zero. We think this is a result of his head injury."

Words, words, words. All I know from them now is that Johnny is dying. Johnny, my boyfriend, my best friend, is dying.

When my grandma died when I was little, my dad explained death to me. He said once some dies, that's it. They don't come back. A dead plant doesn't bloom. A dead Johnny doesn't watch sunsets with me.

Suddenly, I'm booking it to Johnny's room. I hear Darry yelling after me, but I don't stop.

I make it to Johnny's room, and no one follows me. I see him lying in his bed, looking still as stone.

"Hey, Johnny..." I say softly.

Johnny stirs at my voice. His eyes flutter and when they open and look at me, they are lazy and unfocused. I can tell he's on his way out.

Johnny closes his eyes and smiles. "Hey, Pony..." His voice is almost air.

I try to be stoic, try to be strong for Johnny, who has always been the strongest out of all of us. For once, I want to make sure he knows he can be weak.

"I'm sorry i said all of that. I should have-" I start to say.

"Ponyboy..." Johnny grunts then sighs. "Don't be sorry. It's okay. I'm...ready."

All at once, my resolve is broken. "You shouldn't be ready. You're not even 18 yet. Come on, Johnny." Tears threaten to break free. "We still got California."

Johnny smiles again. "Pony, I need you to listen. I'm at peace...because of you. I lived, I really lived because of you. You made me feel hope. You made me feel loved. You brought me back." His voice is raspy.

The tears win the battle. "Then don't leave," I say, my voice breaking.

Johnny opens his eyes again, and even though they're almost dull and lifeless, I still see how he's looked at me this last month.

"I love you, Ponyboy Curtis. Stay gold."

And as I see the light leave his eyes, I can only form one thought.

Nothing gold can stay.