How things really are. // Johnnyboy

sunsets

Late the next day, Johnny comes over at dinner, asking if he can join us. I can't help but notice how his eye is swelling.

Darry, of course, says yes, and gets up and makes a plate for him. Johnny takes a seat next to me, keeping his head down. I look over at Soda and raise my eyebrows. He gives me an almost imperceptible nod.

Him and I can communicate this way, and we usually aren't lost in translation. Like right now, we're both silently agreeing that Johnny just got beat by his old man, and that he ran here to be safe. The pit in my stomach that I always feel when Johnny is in pain steals my appetite.

Darry gives him a plate, and we eat in silence. The easy and laid back atmosphere is gone, now replaced with a silent, tense one. It isn't Johnny's fault, of course, but it makes it hard to eat.

After dinner, Johnny's asks me in a mumbled voice if I want to walk around the neighborhood for a little bit.

The walk home yesterday makes me reluctant to go, but his voice and the dead look in his eyes makes me go.

We stay silent for about three streets, then he speaks up. "Wanted to walk because I thought you'd like to see the sunset."

I'm not sure why, but something about this makes me feel guilty. He's obviously not having a good day, but he still wanted me to enjoy myself.

"Thanks, buddy." I say.

And we do. We stop about five streets away, and sit down, with a clear view of it. It's spectacular, with gold-pinks and oranges and yellows. The clouds are like glowing lace.

"Now I see why people watch sunsets with their girls." Johnny says, awe coloring his voice.

My chest flutters. Stop it, I scold myself.

"You like someone, Johnny?" I ask teasingly.

To my surprise, he nods. "Yeah, I do."

"Huh. Never thought I'd see the day." I say. "So, who's the lucky girl?"

Johnny smiles for the first time today. "Oh, they're real nice. Really digs movies, like you."

A twinge of jealousy runs through me. "Hm." I say. "What else?"

"Hmm. Well, really smart, although they can be a little clueless at times. Has beautiful gray eyes. Brown hair."

The jealousy turns to envy. "Anything else?" I say dryly.

Johnny shakes his head. "Okay, last clue, no more after this, okay? This person lives with his two brothers."

Time stops. Suddenly, the sky is just different shades of gray. Just like my eyes.

My eyes!

How did he know I was gay? Is he gay? I certainly didn't think so. He was checking out the girls at the drive-in!

I look at him, alarmed. But that was a mistake, because his face, his gorgeous face, is staring back at me and I know that if I stay any longer that I'll do something I'll regret.

"I gotta go home. Gotta help my brothers with the dishes." I say hurriedly. It's the best excuse I can think of.

I don't wait for a response, I just leave. I help with the dishes like I said, and I go upstairs to my room and flop on my bed. I let the world escape me.