Left Behind

Chapter 4:

I blow dried my hair and then put loose curls in it. My hair is red with blonde streaks in it. So the blonde mixes with the red making it look really cute. Then I look in the mirror at my face and body and wishing it looked like that. So let me tell you some stuff about me. I am 5'3, I have two holes up my ears, I have an industrial bar on my right ear, my nose pierced, and I weigh like 90 pounds which is a lot might I add. I'm deciding to wear some black skinny jeans with a holes in both the knees, plus a Nirvana sweater since ya know my arms but I am in love with this sweater. I then slipped on some black and white vans. Looking at the clock now just past 3:00. I head over to my mirror and put some makeup on. Lots of foundation, eyeliner on my waterline and top eyelid, and some mascara on top and bottom eyelashes like normal. I never make it too heavy though with all of that I don't want to look crazy or somethin'.

I packed a lot of stuff up they said they would send any belongings that I want if I could not carry them. Other than that they are getting put into a storage until I turn 18 to get all of it out and take it back. I packed everything that I am taking with me now and it's like 5 bags full of stuff mostly clothes, band posters, and pictures that I took down from my walls. I gained the courage to go into my dads room and laid down on his bed for a bit. I give a soft smile being able to smell my dads cheap cologne that smelled pretty decent. I decided to take it. Just so I could have something of his to keep. I feel bad but I was just rummaging through his things finding a picture of my dad, me, and my mum I believe. I grabbed it and held it close to me and shoved it into my bag. I opened one of his drawers and saw nearly $1,000 I think at least. Where did he get that money from? Should... Should I take it? I feel bad though. I let out a grumble and shoved it into my bag as well. It's now coming close to 7:00. I decide to go downstairs and put my bags next to the door and just look at my house. I can't believe I'm leaving it. I mean my dad put his life into this home, and now I just have to leave it? That's it so they take all of our stuff out and sell the place as another family makes new memories? The officer interrupted my inner babble and walked into the house. "You uh about ready?" I let out a huge sigh and nodded as he helped me with my bags. I took one last glimpse of the house and whispered, "goodbye dad, I love you." Then closed the door.

Only 20 minutes into the ride my stomach is in knots. I get anxiety so bad that I tend to have this voice that now is just screaming at me to stop this nonsense you can't leave this place it's your home, who cares if no one likes you; you grew up here Sam. No one even cares about you, I mean you actually think that this lady wants some worthless girl in her house? Think again Sam. You might as well just kill yourself so you don't put up with this torcher. Wait don't do that I love to see you in pain. The voice starts to laugh at me that's when I can't take it anymore. "Stop!" I yell as I grab my head in pain. I feel someone slam on the breaks and I start to cringe in pain. Ahh you worthless piece of shit! Keep crying! No one cares! How do I make this stop! Next thing I know I'm screaming off the top of my lungs to tell it to stop. I just want it all to stop! I'm sick of this life! All I do is fuck things up. That's when everything is becoming reality and I realize; my father is dead, my mother that never cared about me is dead, my brother left me and my family no one knows where he is, and I'm just left alone. That's it? I'm just supposed to live like this? Alone.

"She's not going to make her flight doctor." I hear a faint voice say. All I feel right now is nothingness.Guess we're going to a foster home Sammy. I hope they beat you! You deserve it! All you do is mess things up! I nod my head a little. I mean he's right. He's the one that told me my mum wasn't coming home because of me and so I saw how sad my dad was without her and I was tired of the bullying and horrible life so I thought if my mum found out I was gone she would come home to make my dad feel better. I got torchered for failing though. He told me not to take pills because if my dad found me in the first 3 hours someone could save me. He told me I should've slit my veins open so they can't help. My dad would still be here if I would've listened. "She's just going to have to stay in a foster home for a tonight so we can re-schedule the flight."

"Okay." I fearfully open my eyes and they say, "feeling better" I just ignore that and sit up. "Why am I here? I mean I just left the hospital give me a break." The doctor motioned for the officer that escorted me here to leave the room. "You had some sort of break down. Anxiety maybe? Officer Dawson said you were yelling 'stop' and grabbing your head." Remembering it just makes me wanna scream. "Why were you saying stop Sam? Was someone talking to you?" Great he thinks I'm crazy now. I look down and fiddle with my hands before saying, "not really, he's just an imaginary friend." The doctor sighs and goes to say something and I cut in, "look I'm not crazy! All kids have had an imaginary friend at some point!" He puts his hands up and says, "woah Sam I'm not calling you crazy and of course everyone has imaginary friends at some point but this wasn't a friend it seemed like." Cause Tyler is not my friend. He's my demon. He's always their correcting me and telling me how stupid my decisions are. He's always right though. Damn right I am! God I hate it when he just listens to my inner babble. We just have some connection to where he can talk to me in my mind and I normally talk out loud but sometimes he finds ways into my thinking. "He is my friend he just kept talking and I guess my anxiety plus that just gave me a headache and I couldn't handle it." I let out in one breath. "Are you sure this thing isn't telling you something you don't wanna do or something that would upset you?" He emphasizes the word thing as if he thinks I'm lying. "I'm positive. I'm kind of growing out of him too and he just wouldn't stop talking to me but I can just block it all out. When I don't block him out he just won't stop talking and saying he misses me." You liar! I like it. I'm never leaving you either and you will not block me out I hope you know that Sammy. I nod my head slightly so he knows I understand. Then he just starts to burst out into laughter. "Sam!" The doctor says waving a hand in front of my face. "What?" I say very startled. "Did you hear anything I just said?" I shake my head no. "Well I was sayi-" he got cut off by the officer opening the door. "I have slightly bad news, and slightly good news I guess." "What? Did you get a flight date?" The doctor asks and Dawson shakes his head slightly. "Well the date is going to be a bit off." I'm confused what does he mean by 'off'? "What do you mean?" "Well all of their flights are booked until next month. But I did find a foster care center you could stay at and it's ver-" I cut him off. "No!" Sammy shut up before you ruin this! "This family is very kind I talked to them on the phone and they have nearly 7 kids there now and they would love for you to come and try it o-" "No!" I yell again. Samantha shut your trap! Chills went down my spine when he said my full name. He only said that when he was really angry with me. I then stutter out. "Fine" and roll my eyes and Tyler just laughs in amusement at my pain right now.