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   𝓹𝓲𝓮𝓬𝓮𝓼

november 6th, 2019

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november 6th,
2019

dear yoongi,

remember the day i said that i would push you away? the same day i took many sleeping pills. i don't remember the exact number but i thought it was a lot, enough to send me to a deep sleep from which i would never wake up. i waited and waited for sleep to come & take me away from all this emptiness that was too heavy for me to carry but it didn't come. what came was a sharp head pain and along with it from somewhere it brought a desire to hold you back. and just when i thought i won't be holding that desire any longer, a message popped on my phone that our school was holding a life orientation camp.

it was refreshing to do a lot of activities and listen to people voicing out their struggles they faced in life. but i choose silence because choosing a voice takes courage which i lack. when they shared their pain, i found some fragments of my pain evaporating into vapours. seeing their scars gave me a kind of comfort, i fail to put into words. guilt held me tightly just then. i was apologetic to myself but more to you. i'm sorry yoongi.

how could i forget that you are someone who has walked on the path of thorns to achieve your dreams. you are someone who has burned in fire before becoming one, how could i? how can i be so occupied by my pain that i forgot that it's you who understands the meaning of pain better than anyone else? how could i yoongi? how could i?

sincerely,
a girl trying to hold her
pieces together

___𝓶𝓮𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓸𝓲𝓪

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