𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗶𝗮 ✔

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  𝓶𝓮𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓼

september 12th,
2025

dear yoongi,

i was arranging my old stuff when i found this diary. each page holds so much of me. pages of this diary had been a safe corner for the girl i used to be. she still exists in these pages, she always will.

i could never thank you enough for becoming my home when i had nowhere to go. you were the star that even shined in my darkest days. but now there are not one but two stars in my night sky. one of which i have made for myself. i got myself.

well, there are still days where i find it hard to love myself but i don't hate myself on those days either, instead i try to embrace my feelings. cause imagine taking your last breath and realising that you never actually loved yourself. wouldn't that be horrible?

damn...everything just feels like a daydream. it's hard to believe i turned 22 this year. i wish the happiest birthday to myself and my moonmate, monie ^♡^
and guess what? i was finally able to attend bts concert, it was exactly how armys explain : magical.

you know my college mates think that i'm really brave, and i'm someone who isn't afraid of anything. i wonder if they can ever guess what a mess i used to be in my teenage days.

as a kid, i always thought the meaning of life is to explore the world because there's too much out there to be missed and i'm going on my journey to travel the world, to see life in different colours, from different lenses. although i did realise the word life has so much more to it. i realised that sometimes instead of seeing the glass half empty or half full, we should be grateful for at least having a glass. i realised that your efforts may appear foolish to someone but trying your best is what really matters. i realised that being brave doesn't mean that you aren't scared, it just means that something matters more than your fears. because i was scared when i took psychology for my higher studies going against my parents' will, i was hella scared when i came out as a biromantic demisexual and i'm damn scared right now, before stepping out of my small world to a bigger world. but i don't want to spend my life with 'what if's and 'almost's. i want to find answers for those 'what if's and complete those 'almost's.

i want to share my little story with you. this is my little love story, a story about how i learned to love who i was and who i'm. this is our love story, story about me falling in love with you, leaning on you when times were hard, hating you and realising how much i actually love you. although i don't know if i should be calling it 'our' because in this story you exist and also you don't. but i would like to leave it upto you.

people often tell tales of love stories in which they say, "i loved you even when i hated myself." but my love for you was a reflection of my love for myself. i don't know anything for certain but what i know is that right now at this very moment i love myself which is to say that i love you.

i don't think i can ask for anything more in my life but there's a wish to let you know my existence, my name and this story. i don't know if you will take your time to read something so precious to me but i would like to give it a try. i'm sending this diary to you with hopes of making a little place for myself in your memories, if not in your heart.

sincerely,
trish

__𝓶𝓮𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓸𝓲𝓪