𝖂𝖗𝖔𝖓𝖌 𝕹𝖚𝖒𝖇𝖊𝖗|| Porco Galliard

XVII: The Author Didn't Sleep

A/n: I apologize in advance at the horrors you're about to read, but if you manage to survive the cringe. I have some presents at the bottom. This chapter isn't for the faint hearted. I also wrote this while being sleep deprived but here. Tears did in fact come out of my eyes, whether they were from sadness or laughter, it still happened. You have been warned.

It was 8 PM. Mikasa and Sasha were long gone. They were at Reiner's. I heard a knock on my door. I got up from my couch and opened the door. It was that hunky babe Porco. I bit my lip as I caressed my chin

"What's up, shawty?" I asked looking at him. He giggled at me before blushing. He ran his fingers through his hair before batting his crusty ass eyelashes

"You kinda.. you know..?" I said.he playfully touched my shoulder

"Stop, you're making me blush" He said in a whiny tone, all embarrassed. I looked at his chapped lips

Mmm dead skin.. I wanna piece of that

He licked his chapped lips as he looked at my silky smooth lips. Unlike this bitch, I knew how to moisturize my lips. Then we walked over to the couch

"So, what do you wanna watch?" He asked as he looked at me while biting his lip

"I wanna watch you" I said with a wink. He giggled as he shooed me away

"You're so naughty" He said

"Let me take a bite outta that cake you got" I said. He covered his face with his hands since he looked like a lobster. My, man was sunburned he was so red. I then removed his hands from his face. Our lips inches apart. Our lips then attached, I could feel the crustiness of his lips on mine. It was drier than the Sahara Desert. But it didn't matter, because it was my bae, Porco. My tongue went in his mouth. Our tongues began to dance with eachother as if they were synchronized swimmers. Our saliva mixing as I got on top of him. My hand went around his throat as his hands were placed at my waist. I shoved my tongue down his throat, and his response was a whine. We broke apart

"That's so hot" He said flustered. We then aggressively made out as our tongues battled for dominance, of course I won because he was a beta bitch but still. Then I noticed the foul odor. I broke apart and looked around confused

"Do you smell that?" I asked. Porco sniffed

"No" He said. That's when I realized it was his breath that stank of onions

"What the hell did you eat for lunch?" I asked as I sat on top of him

"I had some fried onions" He said

"Well, you breath stinks, it's foul. Rotting, like- blegh, I'm gonna vomit. Eat a mint you disgusting fucker" I said before shoving an entire thing of peppermint down his throat. Porco stared at me with wide eyes as he began to choke

"IFCK.CEKDMC4ODNF9RND" Porco said in gibberish. I then pulled out the magical baby candy and used it make he was really choking. I didn't even know what the hell magical baby candy was but that's what the package said. I trusted the package. Porco's face started to turn purple because he couldn't breathe. Then my guy croaked as if he was a frog, but he was dead, and the frog wasn't

"Man, wake your ugly ass up!" I heard Mikasa scream. My eyes widened and there was no dead Porco

"Oh, it was all a dream" I said

A/n: for those who survived. I'm so sorry you had to read that. I mean I'm not really because I warned you but I'm sure you've read worse. Here's your presents, as promised