Walking into Jin's apartment sends conflicting feelings running through my mind. On one hand, I am beyond stressed and anxious about my father and also about missing work, but on the other hand, I feel like I'm a bit lighter. I'm not quite carrying the entirety of the world on my shoulders for once, and though it's a foreign feeling, it's not one I dislike.
The place is nice; a simple but cozy space that I can tell would bring me comfort if that was something I was allowed to feel.
"Living room," Jin says, gesturing to the room we're standing in. "Kitchen is through that door and right next to the kitchen door is the hallway where my bedroom, the guest bedroom and the bathroom is."
I nod in approval. "It's nice."
"I don't really want to decorate it," he admits, laughing. "I've always thought of this place as temporary, and I feel like if I decorate it, I'll be accepting that I'm stuck here."
"I know how it feels to be stuck," I say, smiling sadly at him as I wander towards the hallway. "Which room is mine?"
Jin's gaze softens and a sigh escapes his lips. "First door on the left. My room is next to yours and the bathroom is across from your room. Sorry, we'll have to share it."
"Just don't use my toothbrush since I'm sick," I joke and he laughs.
"I'll make some soup for you," he says, shooing me into the room I'll be staying in for the next few days. "Change into something comfy and we can have a movie night."
"You don't have to work tomorrow?" I ask as I close the door, quickly changing into some pajamas.
"Nope," he says as I emerge in the kitchen, watching as he moves through the room while placing things into a large pot. "Every day you're off work is a day I'll be off work too."
My heart drops.
"Jin," I say, shaking my head and holding up my hands. "Don't do that. You have bills to pay too, right?"
"Like you said," Jin says as he stirs the contents of the pot situated on the stovetop. "I have a loving, supportive family. They taught me how to save my money, so I have plenty saved up just in case I needed to take time off of work. It's totally fine, okay? If I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't."
I know any further objections will fall on deaf ears, so I pull myself to sit on the counter as Jin continues to make the soup.
"I'm not used to this," I say, staring down at the floor as I swing my legs back and forth.
"Used to what?" he asks, tasting the soup before adding a bit more salt.
I sigh. "Any of this."
"I wish you would let someone in, Violet," he says, turning to face me and crossing his arms across his chest. "When was the last time you confided in someone about your life?"
I look down to my bruised wrist and scoff to myself. "That's not my thing."
"Why not?"
"What would it change?" I ask, keeping my eyes locked on my wrist so he can't see the tears in my eyes. "Nothing I say would change things. My father would still be sick and my step mother would still exist. I would still have to work endless hours to keep a roof over our heads. I would still hate my life so much that I would have the same nightmare of being on the road I ran towards as my mother drove away from me."
Jin doesn't say a word as he wraps his arms around me, letting my head rest on his chest as he hugs me. "You're so desperate to wear this mask when all it's doing is drowning you. Talking to someone, even if it isn't me, will help you. Even if you're just ranting out loud to yourself. You need to get it out of your mind. Please."
I discreetly wipe my tears away before I look up to face him. "I'm starving. Let's eat."
~
I lay down in the bed in the guestroom, not used to the extra room I have while laying in a full-sized mattress instead of a twin-sized one. I look at the bandage Jin put on my wrist, wondering how long this will take to heal because I won't be very useful at work with one hand.
Turning on my right side, I stare out of the lone window in the room, seeing clouds move to obstruct the moon and stars. I know that Jin is right; I know I need to get my frustrations and my stress out to someone. I just despise the thought of letting anyone in my life know that much about me. Granted, I only have two people I would even consider talking to.
Jungkook knows more about me than anyone; he knows about the abuse, though I'd never openly admit it. He knows about my father's disinterest in his daughter. He doesn't know about the nightmare, however; Jin is the only person I've told about that. Jin also knows about my father and I know he suspects something going on with my step mother.
But no one knows the extent of what goes on in my life. No one knows how lost and alone I feel. No one knows how badly I want to run away from my own father just like my mother did. I can't ever speak that thought out loud.
I will never let myself be like the woman who abandoned me.
I finally drift off to sleep, tears stained on my cheeks.
