After months of intensive treatments to get my body back to good health, I'm finally being discharged from the hospital.
"This is weird," I say, laughing as I get into Jin's car. "It feels weird to leave."
"A good weird, right?" Jin asks as he gets in on the driver's side and starts his car.
"Yeah," I say, smiling at my best friend as he begins to drive to my house.
I watch out the window at the trees and buildings, rolling my window down slightly so I can smell the fresh air.
I haven't seen or heard Taehyung since the day my father died. I also started having normal dreams for the first time in years. No more empty street under a starless sky. No more darkness.
Just silly, normal dreams that anyone would expect to have.
It's a silly thing to be so grateful for, but I'll never take it for granted again.
"What are your plans?" Jin asks as he continues to drive.
"I'm gonna find a better paying job that won't have me busting my ass," I say and Jin laughs, reaching over to pat my shoulder.
"Good for you," he says. "The doctor said you wouldn't be able to handle a physically demanding job anyway."
"After I find a job, I'll get a car and I'll renovate the house. I can't remember the last time that place had any repairs or upgrades done."
"Oh," Jin says, glancing over at me for a moment before turning his attention back to the road. "I guess now would be a good time to tell you I already did all of these things."
"Huh?" I ask, frowning at him and he grins.
"I found you a job in an office sitting at a desk and not running around working yourself to death," he says. "I also have been renovating your house for you while you've been in the hospital. I wanted you to come home to a stress-free environment."
"Jin," I say, no words feeling good enough to express my gratitude. "Why?"
"Your whole life, you've lived for other people," he explains. "You focused on loving your mother, and then taking care of your father. Then, you were focused on pleasing your step mother so she wouldn't hurt you. You were hyper-focused on your job and making money to support your dad and your step mom. Your best friend poisoned you to get you away from all that and then almost killed you, and then your dad died. After that, you spent months in a hospital going through hell while continuing to fight for your life every day. I just wanted to do something for you to show you the world isn't as bad as it's been treating you your whole life. I'm here to show you that life can and will be good from now on. I promise."
A shiver runs through me as I remember someone else who once promised me something. It's a promise I will hold in my heart for the rest of my life and it's a promise that, more than anything, I hope he can keep.
I just miss him.
"Thank you so much," I say, smiling as I wipe tears from my eyes.
Jin glances over at me in worry and I laugh.
"For once in my life, these are happy tears. Really."
Jin pulls into my driveway, and I feel a pain shoot through my chest knowing that when I open the front door, my father won't be there in his chair watching the television too loudly because he was hard of hearing.
I don't have to walk into that house with my entire body aching and screaming for a break while cooking dinner and hoping I will be able to eat it before I go to sleep.
I get out of the car and walk the familiar path up to the front door, and I slowly lift the key in my hand to unlock it.
This is no longer my father's house.
It's mine.
No one lives here but me, and I am responsible for no one but myself.
As I open the door and walk inside, I spend the next hour exploring and thanking Jin a million times for the renovations and repairs he had done, promising to pay him back.
As he's always done, he remains selfless and refuses to accept a penny from me.
After we order some pizza and spend the evening watching movies just as we used to do when I was staying in his apartment, he decides to go home and he makes me promise him that I'll call him if I need anything.
When I close the front door and lock it after he leaves, I go and sit on my couch, leaning my head against the back of it.
So many promises have been made in my lifetime. So many were broken, as well.
Jungkook and I promised to remain best friends, no matter how far away he was for school. We promised to never miss a peanut butter sandwich day.
To this day, even months later, I still eat half a peanut butter sandwich every Wednesday. I will always honor that tradition. Not for the man who almost killed me, but for the boy I used to spend all my days with. For the boy who was there for me when my mom left. For the boy who pushed me on the swingset when we were kids.
My mother promised me all the time as a child that she loved me and I was the light of her life. She eventually got overwhelmed and left my father and me, but a small part of me - maybe an ignorant part - likes to believe she still has love for me, wherever she is.
My father promised to always take care of me, and that he wouldn't leave me. I know it was hard on him after he got sick and he sort of mentally checked out, but at least he never left. He held on, even when he was miserable.
My relationship with my dad was always complicated after he got sick. He stopped caring; he stopped trying. I was left to pick up all the pieces of his heartache and he married someone else trying to make the pain stop, but he just became more and more numb until he was a shell. Wherever he is now, I hope he is happier now. I hope he feels free of the weight that he carried with him.
The promise that I still hold close to my heart is the one Taehyung made to me.
"Even if I have to fight fate itself so that I'm the one who gets to kiss your lips as you're led to death," he whispers. "Death will be our first kiss."
"Promise me," I whisper back, closing my eyes as I let the tears fall freely.
I feel him lean forward and then I feel his slow breaths against the shell of my ear. "I promise."
"Death will be our first kiss," I echo his words into the empty house. "But until then, I will live. I will live for myself, and I will never let myself forget how strong I am. This, Taehyung, I promise you."
~
The End
