I spend the next day in a whirlwind of tests and explanations.
I can't remember much of what they've been telling me, but I do remember a few key words.
Dialysis. Red blood cell replacement.
They've been pumping me full of fluids to try to get me hydrated again, and though I do definitely still feel like I'm at death's doorstep, I can at least manage a few small movements and speaking a word here and there through my weakened state.
Taehyung hasn't left my side for a second. It's like his sole purpose is to be here with me through this.
"I'm here for you."
I'm beginning to understand what he meant every time he said this, but I can't get myself to accept it.
I hear the door to my room open, and when I glance over, I expect to see a doctor or a nurse coming in to check on me. I'm in the ICU so I'm only allowed to have visits from family members, but my dad is too sick to come and my step mom doesn't care.
Who I see walking up to the side of my bed, however, is Jungkook.
"I'm so happy to see you," Jungkook says, dried tears on his cheeks. "I told them I was your brother so I could see you. How are you? Are you getting better?"
I just stare at him.
I see his chestnut brown hair, falling onto his forehead as it always has, even when we were kids. I see his doe eyes, glassy from crying, staring at me like he wasn't the one who did this to me. I see his shaking hands resting at his sides. Those hands pushed me on the swingset when we were younger. Those hands rubbed my back when I told him my mom was gone. Those hands put arsenic into my food.
"Are you too weak to talk?" he asks, pulling up a chair and sitting down in it. "I can just talk for you. I know you always liked hearing me tell you about my college adventures."
He grins at me and my heart shatters.
My left hand shakily comes up to the oxygen mask and pulls it down so he can hear me clearly.
"Why?" I ask, and he frowns in confusion. "You did this."
His eyes slowly widen as he realizes what I'm saying, and his mouth falls open slightly as he shakes his head.
"I didn't-"
"Peanut butter," I say, taking a moment to put the oxygen mask back on to take a few deep breaths before moving it away to continue, "was our thing."
His teary eyes move to his shaking hands in his lap - the hands that tried to kill me.
I put the mask back on my face as I wait for an explanation for why my best friend did this to me.
"I didn't want you to die," he says, sniffling as he shakes his head. "I just wanted to make you sick enough so that you had to get out of that house. I wanted you to be free from your life and I knew if you were sick and thought you were contagious, you'd want to get away from your dad so you could get better."
I stare at him, tears filling my own eyes as Jungkook begins to sob.
"You weren't supposed to eat all the cookies in one sitting that day you had a seizure," he says, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "I told you not to eat them all in one sitting. I never, ever wanted it to be this bad. I just wanted you to be free. That's all. I was trying to save you."
I slowly pull the mask from my face again, and utter words that I know will break my heart in a way that I will never fully recover from.
"Get out," I say in a breathless voice. "And never come back."
Jungkook's sobs wrack his entire body as he leans down, holding onto himself as tears stream down his face.
"I didn't mean it, Violet," he says, shaking his head violently. "I know it makes no sense to you, but it was only supposed to get you out of that house. I kept giving some to you to keep you out. I was just helping. I was trying to help. Please, please don't do this. You're my best friend. I would never intentionally try to kill you. I swear I was only helping. It went too far. God, it went way too far but I was desperate to get you away from those fucking vultures. Violet, please..."
Instead of replying, I press the button to call a nurse to my room before moving the mask back onto my face. I turn towards Taehyung, who nods slowly at me to let me know I'm doing the right thing.
Jungkook's eyes glance down at the light on the call button in alarm. "Are you going to tell them it was me? Violet, I'll be arrested!"
I just nod my head slowly, and without another word, Jungkook jumps up from the chair and runs out of the room, not even bothering to close the door.
The nurse walks in a moment later, her eyebrows slightly raised as she smiles politely at me.
"Do you need something, dear?" she asks and I pull the mask from my face.
"Jeon Jungkook," I say, my chin quivering. "Jeon Jungkook poisoned me."
