Ever After

Part 16 - I'm Sorry Bucket

Waiting patiently until the entire room goes quiet, you and Steve finally emerge from your hiding place. While you grab the case holding the tesseract, Steve stands once again in front of the cryochamber. Gently slipping the tesseract back into place, you silently curse Tony as you see that he had lasered the casing holding it. "OK Steve," You start to suit up, feeling a sense of relief that now you both could head home. "Let's go."

"I'm sorry Belle," His voice is a whisper as he turns to you, eyes brimming with tears. "I didn't know."

You give him a small smile before reaching up and wiping the tears falling down his cheek. "You didn't need to hear all that. I'm sorry that she wasn't the Peggy you remember." You drop your head. "The Peggy you loved."

"That's not what I'm sorry for." He sighs, bringing his hands to your face, reciprocating the action of wiping tears that you had no idea had fallen. Without warning he tenderly places his lips onto yours, sending warmth throughout your entire body. Pulling you closer towards him your hands grip his waist, as he deepens the kiss, running a hand through your hair. A loud clang pulls you both instantly apart; waiting for someone to discover you both, when no-one arrives you turn your attention back to the time suit. Steve grabs your wrist before you can plot in your destination. "I have an idea. Do you trust me?" 

"Can't we just go home Steve?" You whisper, feeling the pent up emotion building once again in your chest at lingering here.

"How about one last stop?" He smirks. 

"But we only have enough for the last ride home," You sigh, remembering that Hank had been clear about what would happen if you ran out; you'd be stuck. "I just want to go home." He grabs your hand.

"And we will." He presses a kiss to your forehead. "Just trust me, wait here." He runs off before you can argue anymore, leaving you with no one but yourself for company.

Turning to the machine standing beside you, you look up and see yourself frozen in place. Placing a hand over the glass, you watch as the ice crystals start to form on the inside of the casing. It had been years since you had had to suffer it, but you remember the harsh cold biting at your skin; the effects worse when you were woken up as you choked on the cold air that had been stuck in your lungs. Howard would always be there with a blanket, wrapping it closely around you before leading you to his office. Bucky had suffered the same fate; but without the comfort of a friendly face every time he woke.

You had had very little interaction with Peggy since this day; always reporting to Howard, especially after Zola had passed, or so you had thought. In fact the next time you even had a conversation with her had been December 17th, 1996; the day she pulled you out of cryofreeze to tell you that Howard and Maria were dead.  The pain in your chest intensifies as you remember that day; you almost collapse to the floor, wishing that Steve would hurry up.

Without warning the sharp vision of Bucky, dressed head to toe in his Winter Soldier apparel, running Howard's car off the road enters your mind. You hadn't known that at the time, not until 2013 when Fury had told you and Steve. Looking up at yourself, tears streaming down your face, you let out a small scream; not caring that anyone could hear you. "YOU STUPID BITCH!" You yell at yourself, forcing yourself to your feet and punching the glass cage you were in; letting the echo reverberate.

"How could you be so naive?" You continue to berate yourself. "How could you let them do this? All that pain, all that suffering because of you!" You punch the glass again, a small crack starting to form. "It's all your fault. Bucky." You punch it again. "Howard." Again. "Steve." Again. "Tony." You stop yourself from the last punch, simply watching as the crack grows larger. Turning away your anger still follows you as you scatter everything laying on the workbench behind you; all of Zola's paperwork goes flying up in the air as you overturn the table in rage. 

Everything was coming to the surface; the pain of losing Bucky and Steve in 1945; letting Howard turn you into a super soldier to try and find him; the constant fights with Peggy and SHIELD's mission; losing Howard and Maria, never being allowed to speak to Tony; Fury recruiting you to trace the Winter Soldier; finding Steve alive; the Battle of New York; finding Bucky again, the pain went on and on as the nightmare that had been the last few days catches up too. 

As you try and collect your breath, trying to keep calm before someone finds you, something catches your eye. Laying in amongst the sprawl of paperwork you had scattered, an old photograph comes into view, bringing you once again to your knees. A photo you had taken in 1944; Steve and Bucky's smiling faces shining through to you in the midst of your darkness. As the tears drip onto it, you pull the photo close to your chest, before looking up at yourself in the cryochamber once again.

"I'm sorry Bucket," You sob, knowing that this was exactly what he was going through right now, added with what HYDRA had done to him. "This was all my fault. I wish I had known, I wish I had been able to save you." As you stand, you kiss the photo of Bucky before running a finger down Steve's face, before a sudden realisation hits you; you had studied everything about the Winter Soldier when it had all came to light, you knew exactly where he was at this moment in time.

Hastily writing a note to Steve, you pin it to your cage before heading back towards the fire escape. Not caring if it would change the future; not caring if it meant your life. Nothing would stop you now: you had a new mission. You had to save Bucky.