Mental issues. (please read description)

Harm (Tw)

Trigger warning

I don't know how to cope, so i crave my skin with silver. It comes out in a fine red colour, dripping down my skin. The pain is sensational, calming in a way. But that all goes to waste after the guilt comes in.

It hurts, but it hurts in a good way. My arms, legs even my face, have some sort of carving on them showing i've been through a bad time.

It's comforting, It's so wrong to say that it is.. but again, i have to admit that it really is.

Staying sober is the hardest thing. Whenever i'm in a low mood the first thought that comes to mind is "cut" , i try to stop myself but i can't. Whenever i do it, it seems like i'm not the one in control. It feels like my mind is hurting, telling me to stop, and my body is angry so it hurts itself.

Although i'm sober at the moment, i am still an addict. I haven't cut in the last two or so months but.. i know it doesn't count since i've gained a new habit i do for pain. I've started peeling the skin off of my lips, peeling and peeling till it bleeds. I say to myself 'this doesn't count as cutting so i'm still self harm sober.. right?' Wrong. I was doing it for pain. If you do something for pain wether it leaves a mark on your skin or not, it's still self harm. Biting your tongue for pain, hitting your head against the wall for pain, ripping your hair out for pain. Yeah. That's self harm.

I guess you could say i'm sober from cutting, but not sober from self harm overall. Self harm is a hard topic to talk about so it needs to be noticed more. So many people in the world are suffering this, and it's not easy to go through on your own. If you're suffering from self harm or any other intentions that aren't good, please find help. Wether it's a teacher, parent, friend, co-worker, sibling anyone is okay, as long as they can find the right help for you.

Stay strong. <3