STILL | NH |

THIRTY SIX

Niall

Rigby's late... Again.

I'm standing by the bench, drinking some water as I watch Harry on his phone in the stands. The game started about thirty minutes ago and she is nowhere to be found.

She never texted me to tell me she would be late and I swear that I wouldn't even be agitated if this hadn't been happening frequently, her being late and cancelling plans.

Or just forgetting them in general.

It seems like it's happened just about every time we do something, doesn't matter how many times I may have mentioned it to her.

Work has been crazy, I know that her clients have been up her ass and she has been exhausted but it's not hard to remember plans you have made with other people..

Not to mention, she hasn't stayed at my place with me in days. Always saying that when she gets off work that her place is closer to her than mine is and that she's just too tired to make it to mine.

It's empty without her.

Of course I've stayed a couple nights at her place, but she hasn't seemed like she wants me there very much, always just climbing into bed without many words or gentle touches.

If I dwell on the situation it will only take me back to the place I felt like I was at with the end of Carragh and I's relationship, the distance that pulled and pulled into there was nothing left but the snap that broke us.

That broke me.

Panic seems to have settled into my bones, something I've been trying to mask the best that I can when it comes to feeling like Rigby has finally had enough of me — that she doesn't want to be around me anymore and is just pitying me and my feelings.

Feelings we haven't really discussed between us.

Valentine's Day is this week which is another thing I have been stressing out about. After a long talk with Harry, I've decided I want to make things official with her.

Ask her if she wants to be together.

If she wants me like I want her.

Although, with the way things have been going over the last little while since her event I'm not even sure if it's something I should go through with.

I had asked her over a week ago about wanting to go out, both of us laughing about how cliche it was but neither of us cared too much about it. As soon as she said yes, I made reservations to go out.  One for our place and another for a restaurant we passed one night when we went to get gelato, one that seemed so busy that even the hostess told me that I was lucky to get them.

The night of her event has played in my mind on repeat, the vision one that that has helped me to get off into my own hand many times since. Rigby being a brat combined with the way we turned our hot and heavy sex into something slow, something that meant more than any other sex I've ever had.

Her eyes were so bright and inviting while I kept a slow and deep pace, like they were trying to tell me things without words, just like my own blue eyes were trying to do to her.

You are beautiful.

You are perfect.

Please feel the same way that I do.

Please let me be the one you'll love.

There is nobody like you. 

But I can't think about that for long, I'll only end up in a spiral I don't have time for. Truly my mind is positive that's why the change in our dynamic has got me so upset, which is something that I hadn't even voiced to her because I don't want to stress her out any more than she already is.