"Beg pardon, am I in the right place?", asked Thomas as he chuffed into Tidmouth Sheds for his audition for the Fat Controller's Engines theater compony.
"We're seeing engines for the Fat Controller's Engines.", responded Edward, who was in Tidmouth Sheds.
"Ah, yes then, glad I found you.", Thomas sighed.
"But you're not in costume.", responded Edward.
"Costume?", repeated Thomas.
"The notice said to be painted like a girl engine, because that's what you'll be playing.", answered Henry, who was also in Tidmouth Sheds.
"I thought I was just supposed to act like a girl engine", replied Thomas.
"You are, you bloody.", yelled Henry.
"We need to see both your performance and what you look like painted like a girl engine. Most of the girl engines in this play are very beautiful. Not many boy engines can pull that off.", said Gordon, the head of the theater compony.
"Not many girl engines can pull that off.", quipped Henry. Thomas laughed. The big engines were not amused.
"What will you be performing, sir?", asked Edward.
"I will be performing Viola from Twelfth Night by William the English Playwright Engine as lately acted by the Fat Controller's Engines." James, who was also in Tidmouth Sheds, rolled his eyes.
"Never heard of it. AAAAAH!", laughed Gordon and Henry, pointing at each other.
"Enough, both of you.", yelled Edward. "Don't mind them. Go on."
"I left no dome with her. What means this coach? Fortune forbid my steam has not charmed her. Why, she made good view of me. And sure methought her eyes had lost her tongue. Why, she sent her none. I am the engine.", monologued Thomas.
"Stop", said Gordon.
"Is something wrong?", asked Thomas.
"That was terrible.", said James.
"Shut it, James!", said Edward. Henry came out of Tidmouth Sheds.
"To be a girl engine, you must sway, float and warble.", he said. "Sways radiate in a girl engine's wheels. A boy engine simply moves from one place to another, his focus always on his destination but a girl engine sways through life and this causes her to look around more. In her sway she notices more, she is aware of more. The wheels are the seat of a girl engine's great wisdom."
"I feel like crying.", said Edward.
"You try", said Henry. Thomas began to chuff with a mechanical sway. "That's it. Sway! This is why we rock troublesome trucks when they cry. They were built in the cradle of the sway. And hold! Good!"
"I was really feeling something.", exclaimed Thomas.
"It was a little stiff", said Henry.
"Oh", said Thomas.
"It was terrible", said James.
"But that is because you are missing the second element, the float.", said Henry. "Now the float is built in the..."
"Wheels!", yelled Edward.
"That's why it's so lovely.", said Henry. "Everywhere you go, you have wheels! Imagine that! Even in your darkest moments, you still have wheels!."
"I'm getting it! I see everything!", yelled Thomas.
"HUZZAH GIRL ENGINES!", yelled Edward.
"Stop", yelled Gordon. "If we don't get on with this immediately, I will shunt myself or one of you!"
"That was terrible.", said James.
"Right Gordon, you're absolutely right. We've just come down to the speech.", said Henry. "Good Thomas, you've swayed, you've floated and now you've come to the speech. But you've got to understand the the speech is part of the sway and float. It is part of the body. But you can't just speak these words."
"No", said Thomas.
"This isn't some bloody Ben the English Poet Engine, it's a William the English Playwright Engine play." said Henry. "So tell me, what are you going to do?"
"I'M GOING TO WARBLE, HENRY! I'M GOING TO WARBLE!", warbled Thomas.
"Now boy, sway, float, and warble.", said Henry, and went back to Tidmouth Sheds. Thomas recited the monologue at a higher pitch.
"You did great. Thank you, Thomas.", said Gordon.
"Goodbye everyone!", yelled Thomas.
"You were terrible!", yelled James back.
"Next please, next!", said Gordon. Percy chuffed to Tidmouth Sheds painted with really girly paint. The other engines were surprised.
"What will you be performing for us, sir?", asked Edward.
"I will be performing Lavinia from Titus the Roman General Engine.", said Percy. He took out a red cloth and put it in his mouth, dropped on the floor, and moaned.
"OUT TRUCK OUT!", yelled Gordon, shunting Percy out of Tidmouth Sheds. "HOW I HATE ALL MAINLINE TWITS! NEXT!" Toby came in wearing very convincing girl engine paintwork.
"What will you be performing miss, man, sir?", asked Edward.
"I will be performing the English Playwright Engine's Cressida, the Greek Engine.", he replied. He delivered a convincing monologue but when he finished, James said,"That was terrible."
YOU ARE READING
Thomas And The Portrait of What Looked Like A Large Pile Of Ash
FanfictionA Thomas The Tank Engine fanfic where Sodor becomes strangely affected by a mysterious portrait and gets a little weird. It's up to Thomas, Percy and Emily to save Sodor, despite their wacky antics.
