Looking to fix a shattered Life

Life of the Party

A light rain was falling Sunday afternoon.  Patrick was alone in the house.  Agustine went into the shelter office to catch up on filing and Richie was at the barbershop until late afternoon.  Patrick threw some laundry into the washer and then headed to the kitchen to cleanup a few dishes and empty the refrigerator of some take out leftovers that were giving off a very pungent odor.  His phone rang and it was Dom inviting him and Richie over for drinks at his place after he closed the restaurant tonight, he had already gotten a yes from Agustin and Eddie and Malik and Doris.  "Can I bring anything?" Patrick asked. 

"Well I have plenty of beer, a half a bottle of wine, some gin, some tequila, all out of vodka"

"Let me see what I can gather up here and I will definitely pick up a couple more bottles of wine."

"Thanks Pat and I will see you guys later" and with that Dom was gone.  Patrick leaned against the kitchen table, phone in hand and scrolled thru the pictures on his phone, recent ones of him and Richie, opening night of Dom's restaurant, birthday party for Eddie and buried behind all these events, pictures of Kevin.  He pulled on a chair at the table, sat and let his mind wandered to thoughts of Kevin, where was he, what was he doing on this rainy Sunday afternoon, was he feeling pangs of the emptiness that Patrick was so desperately trying to suppress, a melancholy that gripped his whole body so tightly that breathing was painful. Was Kevin regretting that night at the apartment and the fury of words that came out of their mouths that snowballed into the wreckage of their relationship? Patrick pushed himself up from the table and walked over the bathroom to search for some aspirins to stay off the massive headache starting to pound at his temples.  He reached into the shower stall and turned on the water, took off his clothes and stepped in.  A long hot  shower was exactly what he needed to rev up his festive mood.

The party was in full swing as Patrick and Richie arrived at Dom's.  Patrick headed in the kitchen to throw the two bottles of wine into the fridge to chill. He looked around the apartment and recognized nearly everyone there.  Richie moved into a conversation with Agustin and Eddie.  Patrick spotted Doris and Malik talking to someone he did not recognize.  He found a pitcher of Margaritas on the counter of the kitchen and poured himself a large cup full as Dom walked up to him.

"Who's the guy Doris is talking to?"

"His name is Jamie and he has potential, dont you think?" Dom answered.

"Potential for what? " Patrick asked.

" Potential as my future boyfriend.  Tonight is his audition and so far he's killing it.  Smart, terrific sense of humor, great conversationalist, up on current events, tells amazing personal stories, has a sense of adventure and is kind to pets."

"Wow, holy fuck, and how did you ascertain all of this? Was this his online profile and if it is 99.99 percent of that is bullshit", Patrick laughed.

" No, I got this first hand. He came into the restaurant today, slow afternoon, no business, weather didnt help and holiday weekend and all and we started talking and  before we knew it three hours had gone by.  I was falling so I told him I was having a get together tonight and he said yes and here he is.  And with you and Agustine both settled with boyfriends I thought I might give it a go, although with you sometimes I dont know."

"What the fuck is that suppose to mean?" Patrick asked, taking large sips from his cup.

"Sorry, did I hit a nerve or maybe its my impression as a friend who knows you all too well when you're trying so hard to be into a guy that its coming off as fake as John Travolta's straight act,"

Patrick walked back into the kitchen and grabbed the pitcher of Margarita mix, filled up his cup and downed almost all of it before heading back over to Dom

"Wow, why dont you take your fucked up observation of my life and go to fucking hell.  You know absolutely nothing about me. And stay the fuck out of my relationship.  I am happy. "  Patrick spun around and poured himself another cup of margarita mix and took three large gulps.

"Hey, slow down on the booze I am not ready for another Halloween meltdown, Dom said, trying to remove the cup from Patrick's hand. " I just dont see the kind of spark, the heat you had with Kevin now that you are with Richie.  He is across the room and if that were Kevin, you would be at his side, arms around him.  You bailed on your relationship with Kevin and "

"That is so fucking untrue and an absolutely shitty thing for you to say," Patrick shouted, the low buzz of conversations that had filled the apartment came to a dead halt with everyone know looking towards the kitchen door at him. Patrick lifted the cup to his lips and drank the last of the margarita mix in the cup and barely hit the counter to set it down.  The room was starting to tilt and his face felt flush on fire.  Patrick found his way to the door and made his way into the elevator and down to the street.  The air was cool and damp and he took several small breathes hanging onto a fence to steady himself.  His headache was back and beating much worse than before.  He tool a few cautious steps and found that he could walk and maneuver towards home. 

After a couple of blocks walked, he saw a bench and sat down.  Patrick put his head in his hands and rubbed his forehead.  He had to pull himself out of this funk.  He was like a walking disaster, the Titanic that hit the ice burg, backed up and then kept ramming it repeatedly or the Hindenburg that exploded and did a slow burn until it hit the ground bursting into a million fragments.  He got up from the bench and walked the rest of the way home.  Patrick made it to his bedroom, took off his hoodie, kicked off his shoes.  He text back to a concerned Agustine that he was OK and sent back a blanket apology.   He knew he did damage to his relationship with Richie but right now he didnt care.  He just needed to sleep and pray that he woke up in a better place in his life in the morning.