WHEN THINGS GO SOUTH

Chapter 12 - Amazing Grace

Thank God the doctor has scheduled to induce labor. At least with a date scheduled, Anthony will know not to be drinking, and I won't have to depend on little Jordy or a drunk driver to get me to the ER.

This baby boy does not want to come on his own. Even with all the nesting I have been doing. He was three days overdue at my last checkup, so the doctor scheduled to induce labor the following week.

Anthony's drinking has become a bigger problem lately. It's caused me to leave him more than a few times, but I would always go right back, just like with Nick. They had their addiction, and apparently, I have mine. Anthony is not the kind to go to bars or get out and run around and drink. Instead, he drinks while he's out mowing, or in the garage piddlin with his truck. Anthony always stays busy. At night I try to get him to come in and watch a movie with us.

I love movies, and so does he, but it's hard for him to sit through one. By the time I get him to come in from the garage at night, he's three sheets to the wind, just goes to bed, and passes out.

June 6th is here. Jordy spent the night with Nick's parents. Anthony and I get up at 7 am and head to the hospital. Anthony is more nervous than I am.

After eight excruciating hours of pain and a botched epidural, our beautiful 7lb, 10oz baby boy has arrived. Sweet Rhett. (What better name for our charming little boy with a head full of dark hair.) Anthony is amazing at the hospital; he's feeding and changing diapers like a pro, though I have to give him a little coaching on properly supporting the baby's head.

He is beaming with pride over his son. He doesn't send him back to the nursery at night; he sleeps with him in his arms both nights. Little Rhett is already his Daddy's spitting image.

Three nights after Rhett and I come home from the hospital, Anthony goes to town, then comes back and stays in the garage most of the night. When I call him in for supper, he never comes, and says he's too busy in the garage.

When he comes in later, Jordy, Rhett, and I are already in bed. Jordy is in her room, and Rhett sleeps between Anthony and me for now.

Anthony makes his way to bed, staggering, holding on to the walls and the dresser. He trips and knocks over the lamp on our nightstand, then practically falls into bed. I tell him to take himself to the couch and sleep because I worry with him being drunk, he will roll over on little Rhett.

That was the first I had ever seen of Anthony's temper; he picks that lamp up off the floor and throws it against the wall as I shield Rhett from glass flying through the air.

I am in shock; I place Rhett in his crib. Crying, I scream at Anthony, "What is wrong with you!? As I shove a pillow into his chest and him out the bedroom door. I have never seen this side of Anthony. Sobbing, I get down on my hands and knees and start picking up shards of glass off the hardwood floor. I slice my hand and rush to the bathroom sink. I wrap my hand and just sit on the bathroom floor and cry. I think about how my bad choices in men got me here, just like my parents' bad choices. I couldn't break the cycle. I have no one to blame but my own heart for the bad relationships I got into. Nick was an addict that always treated me like crap. Anthony is obviously an alcoholic who betrayed me.

So here I sit on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night, in my white gown covered in blood, cleaning up another one of Anthony's messes, thinking what I have done to my life and to my children's.

The next day before Anthony leaves for work, he comes and sits down on the edge of the bed and apologizes for what happened with tears streaming down his face. I know Anthony truly feels terrible for what he did; I'm sure it was the alcohol because it wasn't Anthony. But he promises it will never happen again.