WHEN THINGS GO SOUTH

Chapter 17- Oops! I Did It Again

"Do you Riley Blair Ayers take Nolin Ray Clark to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?" "I do."

Well, I did, for about four weeks. But, okay, maybe there is a wrong way to grieve, and marrying someone else on the heels of your loss is for sure not one of them.

Nolin was a friend of Nick's in high school, the good guy, the tall, dark, and handsome guy. The one who said I deserved better than Nick. He probably doesn't think that now. He probably thinks I'm crazy, wishy-washy, just plain fickle. How could I date a guy for three weeks then decide to marry him?

I ran into Nolin at the grocery store one afternoon after work. It had been at least ten years since I had seen him. He walked me to my car that day, helped me load my groceries, then asked me to dinner.

On our first date, we spent the evening catching up on each other's lives, and on the crowd of friends we used to run around with. Nolin still sees some of them from time to time, especially the past few months since his divorce. Nolin had got divorced around the same time Anthony passed.

I'm all about wanting to find the path God has for me, so in my sad, grieving, crowded yet hopeful mind, this was it, God was showing me. Nolin is who he sent from the beginning, but I was too blind to see it when he came to my house years ago to tell me how he felt.

Now, this chance meeting in the grocery after ten years, both of us becoming available in practically the same month. This had to be fate. Maybe Nolin was the answer to all my problems. Wrong. The entire courtship and marriage combined lasted about six weeks.

Now that I have my head back on my shoulders and look back, that was so wrong to do to my kids, myself, and Nolin. Just plain bad judgment on my part as a parent, as an adult, period, to marry someone that quick.

Jordan and Rhett never questioned my decision, they trusted me to make the right decision for me, for them, but I'm sure in the back of their mind they were thinking I had lost mine. It was a big mistake; thankfully, I realized that just a few weeks after we were married. I married Nolin for all the wrong reasons. I wanted there to be a reason, a purpose; there wasn't. At least not the one I had hoped for. I was afraid of being alone, of growing old alone. I felt we needed a man to complete our family, our circle. Nolin being from my past, felt safe and familiar. I didn't marry him for the one thing I should have married him for, love.

Anthony had only been gone a few months, but I had in my mind Nolin would be our cure. Like he could magically heal us all, and we could be this perfect family, but I learned the hard way if love isn't there, you can't make it be. Sonya tried to tell me; she knows me well enough to know my heart wasn't in it.

Sonya also knows that I'm persistent, and no matter what anyone says, when I put my mind to something I think will work, there is no changing it. Momma, of course, wanted me with Nolin because with a man around, she wouldn't worry so much about us. He would take care of us.

Leave it to me to take another one of Momma's southern philosophies on love to heart.

"Riley Blair, honey, out of sight is out of mind, but someone who is with you every day and is good to you and your kids, well, you can learn to love them." But unfortunately, I found out the hard way, you can learn many things in life, but learning to love someone is not one of them.

Nolin and I divorced as quick as we married. After that, there were no hard feelings, and we decided to remain just friends.