Vermillion: How I Met Jim Root.

2010

TW: MENTIONS OF DRUG OVERDOSE AND PANIC ATTACKS.

I was laying in mine and James' bedroom on my phone, when all of the sudden, James comes running in with visual distress.

"Baby! Baby!" James said.

"Whats wrong James?" I asked.

Before he could answer my question, James wrapped me into a hug.

"James, you're scaring me, what's wrong."

He lays his head on my chest and i place my hand on his head, playing with his hair.

He starts crying.

"Paul died of an overdose." He said crying.

My jaw dropped. I've never seen him like this. I was shocked. I did everything I could to calm him down. But he couldn't. He was breathing heavy and crying.

"Im so sorry baby, how do you know?" I asked.

"Corey called me and told me that Shawn got the news." He said, voice cracking.

"Im so sorry, im always going to be here and i love you." I said, running my fingers through his hair.

Paul was the bass player for Slipknot. I didn't talk to him much, but i considered him a friend. I tuned his guitar and helped him occasionally.

I started crying with James, we were so vulnerable. I wanted to help him, but i was in pain myself. I didn't know what to do.

I just sat there and held him tight. He kept crying. I just kept kissing him.

After a few hours of crying, James had the courage to get up. He was really attached to me. He was still independent, but he had a hard time being alone in a room for a while. I was supportive and let it happen. I loved him so much i didn't care. I was there for one of the toughest times and i wanted to be there for my husband. But all of a sudden, he changed.

James was sitting on the couch shirtless and started breathing heavy and shaking. His body turned bright red.

"James are you okay..?" I asked.

He didn't answer. But i quickly realized he was having a panic attack. I tried to get him to calm down but he wouldn't.

"James its gonna be okay." I whispered.

I held his hand and squeezed it. He stopped shaking and breathing heavy and immediately after, he just started breaking down again.

I knew as soon as he told me Paul passed that it was going to be hard for him, and frankly, it was hard for me too. But not on a level like it was for Jim. I kissed his hand and he calmed down.

"I'm sorry for putting you through this." James said.

"It's okay baby, i know its hard for you." I said.

I felt really bad for James, he was having a panic attack because Paul died. I loved James and i was with him the whole way through.

Shortly after he calmed down, he walked to the bedroom and sat down for a while, just sitting there. I didn't know what to do.

One Year Later: 2011

Its been a year since Paul passed away. James was doing so much better. I made sure to check in on him every day to make sure he was okay, and he was. He was happier and was more willing to spend time with me.

"How are you doing James?" I asked, sitting with him.

"Im doing better." He said

"Good." I said.

Little did he know, i had a huge surprise for him.

"James, i have a surprise for you." I said.

"Oh yeah?" He said.

"Stay here." I said, letting go of his hand and running upstairs.

I ran and grabbed the pregnancy test i had just taken in the bathroom and ran downstairs.

My heart started racing. I had no idea how he was going to react. He didn't even know i took one. I was scared but i knew he was going to be excited.

"Close your eyes baby." I laughed nervously.

James reluctantly closed his eyes.

"It better not be a fucking animal." He said.

"Its not an animal." I laughed.

I put the test in his hand and told him to open his eyes.

"Holy fucking shit babe." He gasped.

I laughed and started crying at the same time as he got up and hugged me.

"I love you so much." He laughed.

"I love you too." I laughed.

I kissed him as he held my waist.

"You're gonna be a dad." I said

I think he forgot about that part, considering as soon as i said that his face lit up.

"I still don't believe you." He stated.

"The proof is right there." I said as he smiled.

We kept kissing, and we already started thinking of names.

"James." He said.

"Your narcissistic motherfucker." I said as he started laughing.

We could only think of boy names, which was good, because we both wanted a boy.

"William" i said.

"Ohh, thats not bad." He said

But then we found it.

"Carter." We both said at the same time.

We agreed on a name. Carter James Root. Carter James wasn't bad, even though James insisted on his middle name, it did sound good.

"There it is, Carter James Root." I said.

"I like it." He said.

"Of course you do." I said laughing.