Pretending to be Bukowski: A Poem Collection

My Own Prince Phillip

Author's Note: Dedicated to the one I've always gone back to.

I've heard people say time and time again

"You never quite get over your first love."

And if we're speaking in those terms, then I guess you were mine.

Every little girl has their own picture in their head of what their Prince looks like

Whether he be adventurous like Aladdin or fit to rule like one of the Charmings

"He'd be strong," "He'd be handsome," "He'd be funny," you name it.

These were the whispers of giggling little girls floating through the playgrounds

And when they'd finally ask me my perfect picture, I'd tell them your name.

You were never the only boy I liked back then

But I found myself coming back to you every time

Feelings tethered to you like the leash of someone's prized dog.

Because without fully understanding what feelings were,

I loved you.

As much as a 6 year old with an obsession with swing sets could.

I can remember night after countless night of sitting in my backyard

Lying underneath trees that never did create quite enough shade

Ripping the leaves off saying "He loves me, he loves me not."

I thought I'd have a better chance with leaves instead of flower petals

But only because I would stop on a "he loves me"

As if my words were said by Fate himself.

But I was proved to be wrong all the times I would say

"I like you...do you like me?"

And you'd tell me no with an awkward tone of voice that made me want to runaway.

That was the game we played for almost 3 years

1st, 2nd, and 3rd grade passing by us

Until I finally gave up and told myself I hated you.

And it wasn't until 5th grade that I realized that was wrong too,

When we became best friends united by a small piece of land

The lava rocks popping out of the ground in the field where we played

Except we never really played, we just laughed

And talked about things like serial killers.

That was when I discovered I liked you again, or maybe still

But I was scared to play our little game again because you were my friend.

You were no longer just a cute boy, you were someone I cared about.

And one day I got tired of waiting and I dared to ask

"I like you....do you like me?"

With a shrug of your shoulders, you put your hands in your pockets and said

"I dunno...maybe."

And I never really found out if you did.

We bounced back into our friendship as if nothing happened,