Pretending to be Bukowski: A Poem Collection

Broken Love

Author's Note: Dedicated to E, yet again.

I've only really been in love 3 times
But each time was different from the last.
I have fallen in love with strangers for fleeting moments
And acquaintances in brief flings
But never have I loved like those 3.

The first time I knew I was in love,
I was 13
When a boy in my drama class somehow stole my heart.
I used to think that he matched me perfectly,
That every room was a little brighter when he was in it.
I loved him innocently, with an unbruised heart.
I wanted cute dates and hand holding,
But I got video games and junk food and petty fights.
I hold no ill will toward this boy,
I know neither of us knew how to love,
But love was never the same after that.

Another time, I fell in love with Prince Charming.
A silly school girl crush from first grade carried into high school,
An awkward, quiet boy who seemed to repel emotion.
I loved him unconditionally, despite callousness.
I wanted a fairy tale love, something crafted in a novel
But I got avoidance, and never knowing.
My heart still aches for him, because now I'll never know
But I know he was scared and wasn't meant for me,
And now I just hope he's happy.

And then I fell in love with you,
You who I swear I've loved since the moment we met so many years ago.
You broke my heart once upon a time,
But here we are again as if love left us untouched.
And I know we're broken,
That we're only made to break more,
But I don't care.
I love you passionately, without hesitation
I wanted to be best friends with the person I love
And that's just what I got.

You have made me fall back in love with you,
And the truth is that I don't mind at all.
I have loved before,
But I've never loved anyone as wholly as you.
I love the beautiful and the broken parts of you.
I'm enamored by your voice and your smile.
I want to memorize every part of you
And kiss the wounded parts of you into healing.
Right now, you're far away
And we don't know what to call ourselves
But I know what I feel
And that it's only for you.

I've told you before that I've never been so content,
Content in the midst of the unknown,
And the point still stands.
I wrestle with doubt and anxiety,
But this will not change the fact that I'm in love with you.
You're only one of three in history,
But I can tell you, my dear,
That no one else compares to you,
And there will never be another love like this,
At least for me,
And I hope you feel the same, too.