There i was, sitting at the stupid couch at my therapist. Once again she was asking the same questions and i was telling her the same things. I was focusing at the sound of the klock ticking, second by second. I can't wait till this long hour is over till i can finally go home again.
Suddenly my therapist says my name on a questioning voice and i look up at her "what did you say?"i ask her. Since everything happened 4 motnhs ago i can't stop thinking about it and i can't get myself to just put it away i need to know who it was. My question was if you have anything else to say or want to get off of your mind?" i fastly shook no because i know my time is up. Her last question is always the same and i grap my jacket and purse as fast as i can. Thank you for your time she says and i give her a small smile while fastly walking outside so i can go home.
As soon as walk out the door there is this amazingly smell of coffee from the local caffee. Hmm i love the way coffee smells and i look at my phone to see what time it is. 9:45am, she let me out earlyer today, probably because i was once again trailed off with my mind. I walk to the other side of the street to go into the caffee and marsha who is working there everyday says hi to me with a big smile. I smile at her while picking out a seat. I hate sitting alone somewhere i always feel like everyone's watching me and i always feel kinda alone. I see marsha walking up at me "the same as always"she asks me, i nod my head and smile again when she's already walking back to make my coffee.
It's been so long since i've been here almost 2 months i think. I used to come here every week but since that thing happened 4 months ago i didn't went that much anymore untill i just didn't come here till now. I see marsha walking up to me again with my coffee here you go she says. How are you? she asks with a blushing face, we haven't seen you here in so long here we thought you moved away or something. I laugh at her and let her know i'm doing okay. Marsha is 5 years older as me and when i went to highschool she was in her last year and she had to show the first graders the school and stuff. I didn't really like her because she used to think she was cooler than the others wich she is not. But i find it nice that she cared about others and that she always makes a talk with you when you come here.
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Once i got home and realized no one was home i grapped my laptop to search because that's what i've been doing for the last 4 months. I've been searching for him and i couldn't help it. I wanted to know who he is and why he helped me that day. I didn't even know him and he probably doesn't even know me but i still know how he looked like it happened yesterday. His beautiful brown eyes and his soft skin. It's a miracle that i remembered he had brown eyes because the next thing i remember is waking up in the hospital with stitches in my stomach.
I hear the door closing while hearing my moms footsteps heading into the living room and as i watch at the klock i realize i've been searching for him for alomst 3 hours straight. Hi mom i say how was work? i sweety it was fine, what are you doing? she asks and i look at her with that face that she knows by now after those 4 months. You've got to be kidding me she says in a way too critical voice. Sorry mom i say but i just need to know who it is i wanna know it i need to know it don't you understand? she sits down next to me and just looks at me. Hanna you've been in therapy for the past 4 months, isn't it helping for anything than? can't you just let it go and move on? I look at her in disblief because she knows as much as i do that this boy saved me and i wanna be able to thank him for that but how can i do that without knowing who it is. I stand up and close my laptop while grabbing my jacket and purse to go outside, bye mom i say with a mad voice i'm home before dinner.
Gosh she sometimes irritates the shit out of me especially the last 4 months. I know i have to let it go but i can't i just can't do it. While walking through the city i light up my cigarette and keep walking until i stop at the bar where i last was 4 months ago. I stop and just stare at the door and the windows of it. I can't believe everything happened 4 months ago it still feels like it was yesterday and it still scares me. I used to go out with my friends every weekend but after i could walk proparly again and after i was discharged from the hospital i just said no everytime they asked me to. I was too scared and i was still traumazised.
When i see a wooden bench right infront of me after walking for half an hour i smile and i have to say i'm tired and as soon as i sit down i just light up another cigarette and drink the coffee i just bought. Suddenly a boy walks by and at first it didn't bother me but then i saw it.. his hair. Could he be it? could he be the boy who saved me from everything that heppened in the club 4 months ago. I have to know it but before i could make up my mind and deside to walk up to him i see him walk into another street and as soon as time passes by he's out of my sight. I take a deep breath and just think. If he's that boy than he has to live near by here. Okay Hanna i say to myself why would you just see this boy on the street and why would he live near by here? If he did than someone knew who i ment it's like literally no one has ever heard of the boy i've been describing for the past 4 months and it's driving me crazy. Some people even said i was going crazy and my parents thought i was just confused because the trauma so they send me to the therapist but that isn't helping me either. I know what i saw and i know what i felt. I saw those beautiful brown eyes, this voice telling me i was going to be okay and his hair his beautiful brown soft hair and his soft face.
Looking at my phone i see it's 5pm and i rush to my home because we always have dinner at 6:30pm and since i walked for almost 45mins i had to hurry.
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Coming inside totally out of bread i barelly made it in time. When my mom sets the dinner on the table and my dad is looking at me while my little sister of 6 years old is already in love with the food that's still on her plate i throw my purse to the corner of the room and swing my jacket off to hurry up to the table. Where have you been my mom asks at me while now everyone is looking at me. Just went for a walk i say. You smell like cigarettes my dad says and there goes my little sister, Hanna was smoking Hanna was smoking she says in a singing voice. Just shut up Anna i say to her mom and dad know i smoke okay, sorry dad i say i haven't had time to spray something on me after i got home i was late you just saw that. He smiles at me and i take a seat at the table.
After doing the dishes and playing a game with Anna i take my laptop with me upstairs and give my parents a kiss. Since everything happened 4 months ago i've been so tired and it's not even funny anymore i hardly get myself to stay awake till 9pm and it bothers me so much. Just going to take a long and relaxing shower i think in myself before going to bed that would make me feel better. I walk to the bathroom until i hear a beep from my laptop. Jacob whitesides sended you a friend request. Who is jacob whitesides i think in myself and i klick on his profile but when i see his eyes i know it. He's it, he's him he's the one i've been searching for i think.
Thank you so much for reading this, also read my other story on wattpad! to keep updated follow my twitter @ariixbieber and i hope you liked it! i will be updating every sunday :)
