Bird of Paradise • taekook

Sixteen

Hoseok does eventually leave, amidst a rain of glare daggers from Jin. Taehyung avoids the prying eyes of everyone and goes back to his room to hide. To his surprise (or as expected, he's not quite sure), nobody comes to find him. The murmurs and rustles outside mix with the wind, and land on the window panes weakly before dissipating.

His thoughts churn, a jumbled mess of speckled sand and dream-soaked uncertainty. He catches himself pacing in the room, searching, yearning for the clarify to say no, for a source of strength to anchor him away from the outside world; but it never arrives. Instead, a desire burns from the inside, rollicking and expanding until all the other frazzled thoughts have been obliterated. Until he can no longer ignore the phantom shriek that demands all his attention.

Just like he's done a hundred times before, Taehyung packs up his few pieces of belongings. Laptop, shirts, the disposable phone that he'd rather toss into the ocean, the little orange bottle with all the reassuring white pills. Suddenly, there's a heaviness on his finger, as he thinks of the ring he's wearing - burnt orange, forest green, with a dash of shocking red. He thumbs on the polished stone surface, feeling the coolness under his pad for the last time. Then, carefully, Taehyung takes it off and places it on the empty desk in front of the small window. The blurred outside light drapes over the ring, embracing it in a dull glint. Taehyung blinks away the sudden thought of how small the ring looks on the desk, how insignificant. He fishes the room key out of his pocket, and adds it to the desk along with a stack of cash.

By the time he steps out of the room, the sun has already dipped below the horizon, and the sky is painted in a comforting shade of dark navy. Strangely, his mind is more clear now, and he scans around him, taking in the empty small beach and the hillside with the overgrown trees, committing everything to memory.

He contemplates walking towards the shop front for a second, before deciding on the opposite. He's never been good at goodbyes, always finding the words to be so inadequate, a mockery of all the emotions he's afraid to verbalize. It's easier this way, more comfortable in solitude.

Taehyung walks on the gravel road to town, refusing to turn around to steal another look at the light illuminating the surf shop front in the dusk. The foamy waves stay next to him, amidst the black volcanic rocks scattered along the coast, keeping him company.

His breath quickens as the giant slab of rock appears in the distance, an empty altar imprinted by the spirits of the queens and kings that are forever roaming the island. Dark water sloshes around it, just like that first night when Taehyung tiptoed towards it in the same pair of converse, cheeks flushed with a boozy glow.

The memory feels so distant, like a dream that has lost its colors upon waking. Taehyung pauses at the sight in the dark, thinking of the silent wish he made to the healing rock that first night, with a newly acquainted Jungkook guarding in his peripherals.

Please, heal my mind. Just a moment of inner peace, please.

The waves clash and recede in the darkness, eternally; and the wind whispers upon his skin. Taehyung realizes, in that moment, that his wish was indeed granted. Floating in the foamy water, climbing up the hills one hastened breath at a time, walking to town with the blackened gravel crunching under his feet, his mind found solace when he relaxed and sank into the island. The incessant clamour would cease, and all the regrets, the self doubt, endless searching for a meaning in this very chaotic, very meaningless existence, they would all slide off quietly, and for one miraculous moment in time, Taehyung is free.

He shivers at the realization, a hand clasping towards his chest subconsciously, trying to grasp onto the phantom feeling in vain. But eventually, Taehyung shakes his head and forces himself to keep walking.