I Deposited Money, He Withdrew My Heart

Chapter 15

I'm depressed. I know it's stupid because it's 'just a guy problem' and there are more serious problems in the world, and depression is such a severe word. But I really am depressed. I've been in bed since I got home Wednesday afternoon. I haven't eaten, I've made myself sick, and whenever I sleep (which is rarely), I wake up shaking in a cold sweat.

It's not so much that I'm no longer with Julian that upsets me, but the fact that I hurt Julian. He's the most perfect, sweet and caring person on the planet, and I hurt him.

Amy texts me, asking how I am and if I want her to come visit, but I don't. I tell her 'I'm fine. I'll talk to you later' or just ignore her completely. I know it's not fair. I know she's hurting too.

My parents just think I'm sick, I don't tell them the real reason obviously, because they don't know I have a boyfriend. Well, had a boyfriend. By Saturday morning though, I've had enough of them, so without a word, I get out of bed and go for a walk. I look like a complete mess, hair tied up in an unruly bun, clothes dishevelled, but again I don't care. Nothing matters.

I knock loudly on the door, hopping from foot to foot as I wait for an answer.

Finally the answer comes, and Amy looks rather flustered. "Joc!" she cries immediately, coming out and hugging me tightly before pulling me into her house.

"Sorry for just turning up," I say quietly. "I just had to get out of my house."

"It's fine," Amy says reassuringly, leading me over to the couch. "You can come over anytime."

We sit quietly for a minute, and I know Amy's just going to let me tell her what I need to in my own time. She won't rush me.

"I haven't spoken to Julian, we haven't text or anything. I haven't even spoken to Will." I tremble as I take a deep breath in. "I think it's over."

"You don't know that," Amy says comfortingly. "You two really need to talk about this. He... needs time." She shifts in her seat.

I give her a confused look, about to ask her what she means, but I'm interrupted.

"What's taking so lo- Hey Joc," Trent says with a sheepish smile, standing in the archway to the living room shirtless. He comes over and hugs me as he sits beside me.

I stare between Amy and Trent. "You two made up?"

"Yeah," Amy says quietly, and I can tell she's happy, she just doesn't want to show it in front of me.

"That's great," I say with a smile, even if it is forced. But then my face falls again.

"Don't worry, you and Jules will work it out," Trent says, his hand rubbing my back. "The other da-" He stops, and I see that Amy is glaring at him.

"What happened the other day?" I ask immediately, looking between them both.

Amy shrugs and looks at the floor. "We went and saw Julian," she mumbles.

"Oh," I say, not really sure what to say. "What happened?" I ask after a moment of quiet.

"It was Wednesday, and it was too soon. He was obviously still upset," Amy explains.

"But he's starting to get a bit better," Trent adds, as though it might comfort me.

"What about Julian and Will?" I question, looking at Trent.

He shrugs. "They're... tolerating each other. For the sake of the band."

I nod. "Ok. Thanks. I should go."

"No!" Amy screeches. "It's the first time I've seen you in ages. We have to do something."

"I don't want to," I mumble, feeling upset again.

"Too bad," Amy says stubbornly, then turns to Trent. "Leave," she instructs, and he rolls his eyes but smiles and does as he's told after grabbing Amy's keys and putting on a shirt.

"You didn't have to do that," I say.

"Yes I did. Now, I have ice cream, chocolate, lollies and alcohol. Where do we begin?" She smirks.

I let out a half honest laugh. "Well, I don't drink. So let's go with ice cream."

After tears turning into laughter and back into tears as we devour an entire ice cream tub, it's time for a new activity. Amy suggests makeovers, which is the funniest thing ever because she isn't much of a girly girl. Regardless, soon I'm dolled up - hair and makeup done, in one of Amy's playsuits.

"Wanna stay the night?" Amy asks as we sit down with lunch to watch a movie.

"I wouldn't want to interrupt you and Trent," I say with a grin.

She shrugs. "He'll get over it. He's only over because Mum's away this weekend."

"You two aren't just hooking up again are you?" I ask, sounding a little disappointed.

Amy shakes her head and smiles. "No. We decided on a couple status." She sounds a little frightened.

"That's good," I say with a smile. "Has he said anything else about Julian or Will?" I ask curiously, trying not to cry again.

Amy shakes her head. "Nothing."

I nod. "I messed everything up," I whisper.

My life continues like that for the next month - constant mood swings, a lot of time at Amy's house and a never ending hope that one day I'll hear something from Julian.

Will texts me, but we don't catch up, the boys are insanely busy. They go on tour, and then I have to be the rock when Amy's all mopey that her boyfriend isn't around. I don't mind - she's done so much for me. She tries not to get too upset or too happy with anything Trent related, because she's still worried about me. But I try and encourage her as much as possible.

"What?" I ask as we sit around her place on school holidays.

She fights a smile as she plays with the necklace that Trent gave her for Christmas and stares at her phone. "Nothing. Just Trent."

"Would you stop?" I scold her playfully. "You can be happy."

She squeals. "Ok then I'm ecstatic! He's coming home tomorrow!" She sighs. "I love that he's in a band and doing what he loves, but I wish he didn't have to go on tour." She pouts.

I laugh. "I don't think there'd be much point then."

"Trent could just sing to me all the time," she says, a half dazed look on her face.

I roll my eyes and go to think of a witty come back, but I'm interrupted by my phone buzzing. My face freezes and I can hear my heart hammering in my ears.

"What?" Amy asks, turning serious.

"Uh, it's um, it's Julian," I manage to get out. "He wants to meet up tomorrow to talk."