Ever since Death got trapped in the mortal realm three years ago, nonstop famines, wars, and plagues have ravaged Earth. Shiori, a budding scientist with a love of snakes and a loathing for small talk, doesn't really care. She can deal with the cons...
To Shiori's utter surprise—and contrary to what a lifetime of watching romcoms had led her to believe—she and Devland didn't wake up snuggled together in each others' arms.
Actually, they woke up on opposite sides of the mattress, as far from each other as it was possible to be.
This might have had something to do with Mr. Tibbles, who seemed to have decided the entire bed belonged to him. Sometime during the night, he'd gotten in between them, and he was now stretched to his fullest extent, his front paws on Shiori and his back paws on Devland, kneading their flesh as though to shove them off the bed. If not for the mosquito netting, they would probably have been on the floor by now.
Shiori shoved Mr. Tibbles out of the way and turned off the white noise app. Blearily, she peered down at the screen of her cell phone, staring at the text message chain she'd shared with Yoko the night before.
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Some of the tension in Shiori's shoulders eased. It hadn't been a dream. She'd really spoken to her sister last night, and Yoko really was okay.
Well, as 'okay' as a prisoner of Death could be.
She glanced through the mosquito netting. The mice had vanished with the rising sun, but granola crumbs and wrappers still littered the floor. Sending a silent apology to whichever staff member would have to clean this up, she turned to Devland. He looked up groggily as she neared, his dark hair tousled, his eyes bleary.
"We're still here?" he said sleepily. "We haven't been eaten by mice?"
"Yes, it's morning, and we survived," said Shiori. "It's time to go."
"Oh thank God," said Devland, sitting up with a groan. "I can't wait to get out of this room."
"Right." Shiori tried to ignore the faint twinge of disappointment in her chest.
What was she disappointed about, anyway? It wasn't like she wanted this womanizer to ravish her in her sleep. In fact, she would've covered him with granola and let the mice have their way with him if he'd tried!
It was just a little... odd that he would hit on some random woman he didn't know at all, but not even make a pass at her.
The moment the thought crossed her mind, she felt stupider than ever. Did she actually care that he didn't see her that way? Did she really have such low self-esteem that it mattered to her how this womanizer saw her? She should be thanking the powers that were that he wasn't actually interested!
After all, it would have been annoying to have to travel with someone whose face was chewed off by mice.
She had worked herself into such a knot of irritation by the time they left that she was barely speaking to Devland again. It didn't help that, as she was trying to return their keys, the hotel manager squeezed her hands sorrowfully and whispered, "I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Wait up, Shiori!" Devland called as she charged across the pavement. He was struggling with the cat carrier, into which they had somehow managed to squeeze a resisting Mr. Tibbles, this time with only a minimum of blood loss. "At this rate, you'll be halfway to New Hampshire before I can even get into the car."
Shiori turned, about to tell him to hurry up. In her moment of inattention, her foot landed in a pile of capybara turds.
"FUCK!"
A dozen capybaras' heads swiveled toward her.
Devland looked like he was trying desperately hard not to laugh. Shiori felt worse than ever. She yanked her foot out of the capybara poop, scraping the remains awkwardly on the asphalt, and stormed into the car.
Great. A whole six-hour car ride to look forward to, smelling like capybara poop. Just what she needed.
Devland loaded Mr. Tibbles in the backseat, glanced at Shoiri, and then twiddled the stereo dial. "I don't suppose I can appease you with some Laura X?" he said.
Shiori's mouth opened, then closed again. "You don't have to torture yourself," she said stiffly.
"I think my ears can make the necessary sacrifice." Devland smiled, a genuine grin that lit the car like a beacon and made Shiori's stomach flip-flop in unwanted ways. "It probably seems silly, but I wouldn't have gotten through last night without you."
"Don't be ridiculous. You would've been fine."
"Well, yes. Because I would have left the hotel room and slept in the car. But it would have been a considerably less comfortable experience. And the company would have been much worse." He nodded at the capybaras, then glanced at her worriedly. "Is something wrong?"
Shiori stared out the window, where a herd of capybaras was starting to approach, curiosity in their gaze. She didn't want to explain that she'd been in a bad mood because she felt like an awkward bumbling mess, or that his words were making her feel both better and worse. "It's nothi—"
SOME PEOPLE LEAVE US TO FLY WITH THE WHALES blasted through the stereo.
Devland winced.
"Sorry," Shiori said hastily, jabbing buttons at random and accidentally sending a jet of cold air at their feet. "We can switch to Latin pop—"
"No," Devland sighed. "No, leave it on. I should probably want to listen to it. It's just that the music reminds me of... someone I know."
"One of the girls you banged in a bathroom?" said Shiori, before she could stop herself.
"No, no. I don't remember any of them well enough to describe their taste in music." Devland's lips twitched. "Only their boobs and their hoohas."
Shiori choked. "Then who?"
"My sister." Devland stared at the stereo. "I haven't talked to her in years."
Shiori studied him, trying to imagine a female Devland.
The silence stretched.
Ask him about her, a voice in her head prompted. It sounded suspiciously like her conscience, or Yoko egging her on. That's what a normal person would do. Ask him questions.
Shiori opened her mouth, tried to find the words that a normal person might say—
"Anyway," said Devland brightly. "The capybaras have really cleared out here quite well now. I think traffic to New Hampshire should be a breeze."
"Yeah," said Shiori, unsure whether to feel relieved or disappointed. "Yeah I should probably... start to drive."
They did not say anything for the next four hours.
~*~
Enjoying this story? Want to read another story with romance and light, fluffy humor? Check out my newest ONC project Wings, Flings, and Demon Kings. It can be found on my profile (cmf_wright) or in the link in the comments -->
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