ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ

Received

   Three days has passed and still no Jennie. I mean I wasn't expecting her to approach me, it's  like she always have to be the one to approach me, but, that was our friendship. I was the receiver. Always been.

Our last interaction was at school the day following the meeting, which also happened to be the last day of school that week. She approached me, her hair was in a basic ponytail, a black jacket over a white sweatshirt, and she appeared fatigued. She asked why I hadn't noticed her by the school stairwell, claiming she waved at me. I did notice her.

"No, I didn't see you," I said, bluffing.

"Oh," she said after a little pause, "do you want to come over later?"

We continued strolling gently side by side, pausing sometimes to converse. "I can't because I have to see my therapist," I said flatly.

"I could join you," we came to a halt and faced each other. "It's not really fun for you," I remarked too fast, like if I was on my way out. Jennie didn't appear to understand my reasoning; she turned away for a minute, her looks abruptly shifting to displeasure. "Look, are you mad at me or something?" she snarled, but I pretended it didn't bother me.

"What, no!" I answer coolly, shaking my head.

"Then why are you acting like this?" she said, a little too loudly, stunning me. The bell rang at the right time, at least for me.

"Look, I have to leave, I'm going to be late, but I'll talk to you later," I replied cheerfully, pretending I wasn't ignoring her, pretending I wasn't hurting her.

"Rosie, wait!" she said as I started walking, but I was gone, turning to the opposite corridor. I passed Lisa without a peek in her way.

•

   And then. Receiving a letter when I was visiting my mom from the hospital, Lisa gave it to me before I arrived at the hospital. I sat by my mothers side of the bed, she was sleeping peacefully. 

My hands slightly shaking, feeling tears prick down my cheeks. Feeling weird, overwhelmed, surprised. But I didn't feel a pang of discomfort.

Dear, Rosie...

I...this letter seems like...but i'm not sure if you'll forgive me but i can't think of why I think of you because tell me if i'm...your friend? maybe things are so (weird/hard). And maybe this is because of me and I don't know maybe its because of everything and if its...because i think about us.
I'm really sorry for even getting into this...
 I want to cry... but tell me if this is getting out of hand.
TELL ME!!!!!!!

            love,

       Jennie.

I rest half of the weight of my head on my knuckles as I wipe my slow tears away from my flushed cheek. My hands weakly hold the piece of paper. I let out a shaky breath as I kept reading the words again and again, seeing if the situation was right, what Jennie intended me to understand.

"Hi, Honey!" Mother says in a cheerful, soft voice. Before she can turn her head to me, I quickly hid the letter on my lap, folding my hands above it. 

"Hey..." I smiled a soft smile, shifting on my sit. 

"How long have you been sitting there?"

"Not long." I said too quickly, biting the inside of my lip and looking down. Mother seemed to find me uncomfortable, nervous...Rather, sad.

She holds my wrist that was near her bed, putting on a puzzled look, "You okay?" I nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, i'm fine!" I squeak out.

Mother sighs deeply with a grin, "Well, I'll be coming home tomorrow, so," I nod again, I was genuine this time, I let out a pleased exhale.

She continued, "How's your life?" She tapped my chin a few times. And then carefully sitting up, startled by her next question. "How's Jennie?" I know she always liked Jennie, she thinks Jennie was the only friend that had lasted longer than any of my friends from the past. I watched her successfully sit, 

"She's fine," I kept my grin at her, suddenly looking down. Mother groans after settling on her back. "I am so glad you have such a good friend like her..." I averted my gaze away from her, disappointed. If only she know. 

"When I was in high school there was so much pretending going on"- I kept my eyes on her knees instead, staring back at my mother's eyes may expose me. -"I had friends but, I don't really think we were really honest with each other," I felt my eyes sting and the rim of my eyes became too red, too noticeable that mother touched my shoulder.

"Oh, Honey..." mother cooed with a confused, worried look. Grabbing my attention back at her, I finally stared at her, crinkled eyes that would never fail  me to cry. "this has been really hard for you hasn't it?"

I inhaled and looked down again, "Well, I- no, it's not that, it's," I trailed off shaking my head and biting my lip carefully. 

Carefully finding the right words to express, to say without being completely obvious for my mother. "there's this person uhm," I licked my lips and kept my gaze down, felt like mother was listening carefully. "I mean, I just want things to stay the way they are but uh," I gulped. "What they want is...just sort of uh, take that next step." I softly say.

"Rosie." Looking straight back at her, scared.

"I think I know who your talking about," Her mouth tug up to a weak smile.

"You do?" but it came out as a whisper. "Yeah, Lisa was just here, she told me all about Chanyeol," I inhaled sharply and nodded, letting out a nervous laugh.

I stared down and composed my breath. "So, what do you do when somebody likes you like a lot more than you realized?" 

I tilted my head and stare up to her, she gave an interesting look, "You want this person to like you?" she whispers.

I pursed my lips, do I want Jennie to like me? romantically? "I don't know what I want." Mother takes my hand weakly.

Inhaling, "just because this person have feelings for you, doesn't mean you have to return those feelings," She says slowly, I smiled and sink down on the chair.

"Ugh, great, that's what I want, more green Jello." I didn't feel fake laughing right now, instead, I forced a smile to her and getting deep with my thoughts as a nurse came in to the other side of the bed and set it on my mother's lap.

Do you want this person to like you?

Do I want Jennie to like me?

I'll let my own mind to consider...

=---------------■--------------=

Two more chapters I think? then an epilogue!
I hope you guys like the story so far. Thank you for voting and reading!

PS: The love letter was still a mystery! No one knows what Katie wrote, some fan tried a lot of effort to read it in a lopsided way because Jessie was holding it like an ass. But anyways we hope that they reveal it soon!