Hey Lover, You Don't Have to be a Star, You Can be the Moon

14: Platonic Date

It was officially summer break and you spent the days managing the volleyball team and on break days, hanging out with Tsukishima.

Time seemed to slow down as the volleyball team anticipated their week long training camp at Shinzen High. And to be honest, you couldn't wait either. It was probably going to be chaotic but you were looking forward to it.

Today was a break day so you spent some time walking with Tsukishima, a habit that accidentally formed after he asked if you wanted to take a walk. That was his idea of hanging out. You'd usually walk up to a hill that overlooked the entire town. It was a scenic spot that people rarely went to.

You would walk near the end of the day so you could watch the sun set, and you'd talk about whatever while waiting for the sun to disappear. You've gotten to know each other better, sometimes opening up to each other about your feelings, and it made you happy knowing that he was comfortable enough to do that with you.

You walked along his right. Today you didn't talk as much. He seemed off today, more distant than usual.

You came to the overlook and you went to your reserved spots as usual, hunching over and resting your elbows against the railing.

"Hey, are you ok?" You asked, eyes still fixated on the horizon. "You seem... off today."

"Yeah..."

"No you're not, something's bothering you."

"Well if you knew, then why'd you ask?"

"So you're not ok?"

He sighed and sat on a nearby bench, you followed, keeping distance between the two of you.

"Well, want to talk about it?" You looked at him concerned, hoping that he would tell you what was wrong.

He looked at you for a while before sighing again and facing forward.

"I just..."

You looked at the side of his head, and he turned to face you, so now you were looking at each other.

"I don't..."

"...don't you just feel like everyone's always better than you? I mean... I don't know. Everyone on the team... they put in all this effort but I- I want to put in effort but what's the use if I'll never be as good as them? And when I do, there's no improvement." He looked down for a moment and looked up again. "Sorry this is so stupid..."

"No, no, it's not stupid at all, I get what you mean, really." You shifted closer to him. "I understand... I always feel that way, it sucks to be honest."

He looked at you curiously, "You... feel that way? But you're so-"

"Well, yeah? I've always envied everyone and it just feels so wrong but... it's just not fair you know?" You laughed, trying to lighten the mood, "Every girl is so much prettier, I'm so jealous. I envy how sociable people are and how those girls could get anyone they wanted. And how people are naturally smart too. I know I could put in the effort if I wanted to be like them but..." You sighed.

"Why put in the effort if someone's always i going to be better than you. Right?" Tsukishima finished your sentence.

You nodded. "Yeah... But I mean, doesn't that make you want to try harder? To try to be like them? Even though they're always one step ahead, maybe once in a while you'll be able to catch their tail or at least be an inch away."

You smiled at him. "And hey, don't beat yourself up. What do you mean your not improving? Do you see yourself out there? From what I see, there's a lot of improvement from before, I mean of course there's always more room for that but still... Every time you practice, you get better."