In My Feelings

why?

I often have many questions popping up in my head every time I encounter situations that leave me in despair. I will never understand the term "experience" until I was about 13. I would recall back all the traumas I had went through when I was a child, and I would tell myself, "why did I went through all that just to be in a state of distress and anguish?" 

Even as a 13 year old, I've understood the meaning of emptiness just in an absence of motivation. I had no intention of making goals and dreams at that moment, I was technically in a state of hopelessness. All the traumas have been in a form of dreams that somehow haunts me till this day. They were things that has happened in the past, so why is it that it still makes its' way to swallow me up even in the present? It hurts.

I try not to question everything that I've been through, but how do I tell my brain that my heart is in need of rests from all the pain that my own head has caused me? In fact, how do you even communicate with your brain?

You see what I just did there? My brain came up with those questions itself when it is literally about itself. How oblivious and insensitive that is.

To my heart that have been through so many heartbreaks and hardships, I hear you and I wish I could help you. Please hang in there a bit longer, we've got this. You and me against the world.