In My Feelings

rock bottom

i think about to end myself in so many ways possible at times, i wish it was easy for me to just do it rather than thinking over and over again. 

what if i just do it without hesitations? what if i just disappear in a blink of an eye? 

i know that this is just another sad phase, but i believe that i've hit rock bottom. 

it feels like someone pushed me from the top of a mountain and i know i'm pretty much dead already.

that's what it feels like. i'm dead inside. my soul is torn apart by depressing emotions and reality. either life goes on or i sit in this darkness and do nothing. 

i miss how my life was 5 months ago. i miss the people that were in my life a year ago. i know i talked about cherishing the memories and everyone that has crossed path with me, however i cant help but to wish that nothing ever changes.

i now believe that everyone is a liar and a hypocrite. they promised but promise never granted. they have a lot to say but less on actions. they never stay. and i also believe its my fault.

im too kind, i help people without thinking of their real intentions. 

but now i understand. i've read these kinds of moves. 

they say they needed me but they up and left the minute i ask for help as if i was never important to them.

 i think its possible that im just a diner in the middle of a highway outside of the city waiting to be passed by. 

whatever the reasons are for my phase of hitting rock bottom, im starting to believe that its getting harder to get out of this darkness. i dont know how long can i hold on like this. 

im getting worse than ever.