The city

love is weakness

Its 4am and i find my self at same place I always do , at the bidge. Its quite comforting here , the rushing water bellow is like a deadly lulaby. Sing sweet nothings of how cold the water is , and how you would feel if you would let yourself drown. Just like how you let yourself drown in the embrace of love. Maybe that's why daddy let go. Maybe because since mother wasn't  giving him the warm love he needed he jumped into the cold embrace of the water beneth me.

What if i let go , what if i drowned in the cold embrace letting water fill my lungs just like daddy did. They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, so ill drown just like him. Mother is as cold as a rock and won't let the water erode her , she doesn't let love touch her. She sees it as a weakness, thats what she said daddy had a weakness it wasn't something that made him stronger its what brought him down. I see it as a strength when you have someone to live for or to fight for it gives you strength. But i have no one to fight for. I don't have that warm embrace, im alone.

If i jumped off this bridge, i would give my mother what she wants. To prove i wasn't strong enough , but i am , i'm stronger then most , I'll stay that way. I'll fight for my self not for the love but for myself to prove i am strong. One day when mothers gone I'll jump off the bridge too, just so i can say i'm just like daddy.

I turn around and start heading towards mothers house . It's a short walking distance from here but i stop at a house that is familiar, ryans parents home. I walk up the door, i can here the screaming of his mother as i got to the front step "your the reason why he is the way he is!" I hear her scream "its not my fault your sons a dumb ass." "If you haven't thrown him against walls he would have stayed in school and made something of himself. He would have never learned how to fight if he didn't have a reason to fight back , your that reason!!!" At the last word i don't even care about private fights i run in there "get the fuck away from her!" I scream at the asswhole who was Ryan's father . "Come on ma'm." I say to Ryan's mother she.grabs her purse and runs out the door. She lights a cigarette and starts walking i follow close behind her , i look at her face and notice the bruise on her eye "did he do that?" She shakes her head "he didn't mean to dear, he has a short fuse and i provoked him." Like a good wife she tried defending her husband. I turn and run back in to the house. "What are you doing dear?" She yells, i just look back at her bruise and rage fills me. I walk into the kitchen Ryan's dad thinking it was his wife coming back yells "back so soon love ?!" I grad the biggest knife from the rack and some duck tape from the drawer. Putting the knife in my back pocket just in case necessary.

"Bring me a deer!" I bring a beer into the living room, where hes sitting and dump it on his head. "What the fuck!" He says threw gritted teeth when he turns around i punch him in the face then kick him in the balls. "Wanna hit a defenseless women asswhole does that make you feel like a man ?!!" I wrap the duck tape around his wrists behind his back making him unable to move his arms. Then putting duck tape on his mouth so he cant yell loud.  He's now on the floor so i kick his rid cage i hear a snap and a murmur of screaming. I put the knife down close the windows blinds and i lock the door.

5 minutes later

"Hey kid." I see my mother look up from the.t.v. screen "hi." I go straight to the fridge and make a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich. I go to my room and think about daddy. How him just being here made the whole house warm, this place could have.easily been a home.with him here . But he's gone and this is a cold old house. Not my home.