Going Your Own Way, but with Magic

Chapter 14

I can't do this.

I can't. I could do it in a secluded park with a spell made to be obvious. I can't do it now. I'm leaning against a (filthy) wall in the adjoining alleyway, pretending I'm still optimistic. The spell is subtle and insidious and fills us with an overwhelming sense of dread. It's knotted and twisted a thousand different ways and I can't begin to unwind it. Jamie can't do it either. He gets closer, but he can't. I can't do this. We can't do this. We have failed and my hands are shaking. My hands never used to shake, I never even used to tap my feet. But now my body is betraying me.

"Add your power to mine." Even Jamie has dropped the optimism. His voice is deadly serious. I try, squeezing my eyes shut. Electricity and water don't mix. A crash between climbing ivy and a bulldozer rarely ends well. I grit my teeth, feeling his power and mine. I try to make mine softer, gentler. It doesn't like that. I get it into neon blue wire, fizzing and sparking and I accept that's the best I'm getting. I feel his moving towards me and I can see it with my eyes shut. The ivy starts to intertwine (the green's darker than before) with the wires. I instinctively block him because apparently even my magic is emotionally unavailable. I catch myself, and let them twist together.

Everything melts away until he is all that's left. Not in a romance novel way. We appear to be standing in a void. The only light source is the power plait. I look down and immediately regret it. There is no floor. Why, when people are furnishing magic voids, do they never add floors? It's a little worrying that I've been in another magic void that I can compare this one two. For the record, this one's less pretty, but the company's definitely better. And the Power Plait is quite pretty. I open my mouth to speak but the wind steals the words out of my mouth. I become aware that there is wind. There is an entire gale blowing in the void. And I dropped science, but that doesn't make sense. Neither does magic. Focus. I tilt my head, nervously, and he tilts his head confidently. We share a thought, my heart does a flip (which is getting old now), and then the world is on fire.

Only for a second, maybe less. But the world was on fire. There was a sheet of flame that covered everything and then it disappeared and people kept on with their lives. My legs feel weird and I have to steady myself. There is air to breathe and a floor under my feet and the artificial dread is gone. There's a whole lot of regular dread in it's place, but it's something.
"We did it." Speaking is still impossible so I nod. We did it. I did it. I helped. I did something with someone. We did it. I didn't do it alone, I couldn't do it alone, but we did it anyway. I hate it. I know how to be alone. I don't know how to do this. It's stupid and overwhelming and I hate it and I never want it to stop.
"Let's wait in the shop. See if they get any customers." He sounds incredibly chill. A bit of a laugh in his voice and that's it. We were in a magic void. And then the air was on fire. Jesus Christ. Say something reasonable.
"Will she feel the spell being taken away?" Unfortunately, that's reasonable. All in where you're standing, I guess.
"Not sure. You usually feel it, but she's sustaining that spell over long time periods. It's probably got some kind of...centre. Very, very experienced spellcasters can do it. I don't even know how it works. My education was a bit disrupted." He looks uncomfortable so I start walking.

The exact same people are doing the exact same things. Even the indistinct conversations sound the same. It's creepy. No shit.
"What do we do now?"
"We wait. Maybe nothing happens. If nothing happens, we go back to the hostel and we sleep and then we make another plan." He makes it sound so easy, the one outcome I've been refusing to think about. A man stares right at us and we shrink into the corner. Like that'll change anything.

I am shaking. Jamie is shaking. I can tell because he's leaning against me. We aren't quite hugging but we're close. Even through all the blind terror I am very aware of him and it's making my heart thump (more). He's shaking violently, and it makes me feel a bit better. Is that wrong? I don't know if that's wrong. I hope it isn't. It feels right.