Trusted

"Tomorrow, 11am? Sure"

Sigh. Another day eating Chili's while listening to Visha go on and on about everything that's happening to her. At least I won't have to do the talking.

I text Lucas right before I pull up there.

Going to lunch w Visha. We're almost there, V's dad is driving us. I text him.

promise me u won't tell her anything? use he/him for me if u need to, idfc she just can't know she gossips too much They respond. I want to punch myself for agreeing, but he's right.

I promise them and we walk in to the restaurant. I better not break this promise. Just breathe, I tell myself. You've hid this forever, it's fine. You can hide it longer. Right? Right??? 

"Hey girl!" Ugh. I wait awkwardly for a follow-up, but there isn't one.

"-oh uh, hey." I reply, not meaning to whisper. There's her skeptical stare again.

"You okay?" Visha asks. She actually looks concerned, surprisingly. I nod yes and plaster on a fake smile.

My feet are heavy and rough on the entrance rug. I have the perfect story to tell her to get my mind off things.

We sit at our favorite booth. The place is almost empty, like usual. 

"Soooo what have you been BEGGING to tell me in the past 43 seconds?" She says half-dramatically, half-sarcastically. I smirk. The I've been waitin' for this one, turn it up! sound plays in my head. Damn you, internet! I laugh.

"Well," I say, also dramatically. "I heard that Jessica put something in Jordan's pizza at lunch yesterday, and now Jordan's in the hospital with food poisoning!" I'm pretty sure that was a rumor, but who cares. I don't even know who Jessica and Jordan are, but I assume Visha has at least heard of them.

As expected, she does.

"NO WAY!" She says, a little too loudly. A waiter with short purple hair looks at us thoughtfully, then sets down our drinks. "Jordan is nice though! Why would Jessica do that to him?" Visha continues.

"They broke up?"

"They did?"

"I don't know, could've been a reason. I didn't even know they were together, to be honest." I didn't know they existed, to be honest.

She squeals like a typical gossip girl. "Thanks bestiee!! I'll put this info to good use!"

"GOOD use?"

"Okay, you know what I mean." She laughs, snorting up lemonade.

We laugh for what feels like hours, and throughout most of our time there, we laugh and talk like old friends. Well, because we are. But it hasn't felt like this in a long time.

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"He was cheating for 5 months and she didn't know?! What the hell!" Visha said, still red in the face from laughing, her phone showing Jessica's Instagram story.

"Exactly! Like, why didn't he just break up with her? He should've been honest." I yell, because who cares and this place is empty anyways.

"Yeah!" she pauses, probably thinking. "I know we're not together obviously, but you can tell me anything." She finally says.

"Well, I uh, I do have something to tell you actually." Shit. How did that slip out?! I can't go back now. Fuck. I broke the promise. Or at least... I might.

Visha's face goes serious, but she seems unconcerned, exactly what I wanted. "What?"

"Vee, I'm tr-" she interrupts me at the last second.

"Wait! Jessica said she and Jordan got back together! Oh my god, she's such a simp!" She exclaims. "Sorry, what were you gonna say?"

I stare back at her, unfazed. "Uh- I'm, I'm tr- I'm tr.. trusting you with this secret." I manage to say. Great save, for now, I think. "Sorry, I couldn't think of the word 'trusting' there for a second." I add. She doesn't notice.

"Mikey, learn to speak!" she teases. Phew. I return the laugh. "So what's the secret?"

My mind goes blank. "I uh, I stole $40 from my parents..." I laugh, glad that something normal came to mind, and at myself because that's a dumb secret to tell. 

"Oh my god, Mikey, THAT was it? Girl, I do that all the time! I say I save up my allowance, but I spend it all on food really. Like, why not? At least I'm not getting drugs or anything, it's just coffee and donuts."

"The donuts are good." I reply dryly.

"And the coffee! By the way, WHY do you get iced coffee? It's sooo bad! My dad says only gay sinners get iced coffee. I don't care really, I don't like it. Or them, either."

"I don't know, I just like it."

"Oh my gosh, are you a gay?"

"No, I- well, yes, no- I like men, but-"

"GOOD, I wouldn't want a gay best friend. They shove their lifestyle in your face, it's so annoying! Like, I don't care. Be gay, but I don't want to know about it!" She sighs. "What do you think?"

My mind goes blank and frozen, like an ice waterfall. I've never heard her speak like this. I knew she was a bit homophobic, but my god, I didn't know it was this bad.

Eventually, I speak up. It's my best friend, I know. But I can't let her be like this. Not my best friend. "I don't know, they just want to live their lives like the rest of us. People shouldn't have to hide who they are, I think."

"Even those fags?" The purple haired waiter looks over and scowls at Visha, but I don't care. She crossed the line.

"Yes, Visha. Everyone."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

She thinks on this for a minute. The purple haired waiter keeps listening, I can tell. But Visha doesn't notice.

"Because they're sinners."

"Jesus died for our sins!"

"They're still horrible."

"Guess you think I'm horrible too then." I slam the bill on the table and walk out. I turn around right as the door opens, the cool air giving me an extra confidence boost. "Because I'm trans."