𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐬 𝐓𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 ━━ Fezco (EDITING)

2.11

❝It's a bad religion, to be in love with someone, who could never love you.❞

WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF ANXIETY, VIOLENCE, EMOTIONAL DISTRESS FOR THE READERS

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HEY guys... it's Rue.

I wanna say it's the 'real rue' or whatever that means but I'm not sure that would be correct.

The moment I reached my house after playing what felt like a real-life version of subway surfers, I was met with my family, or what was left of it. 

And after that, I've been going through hell.

Literal hell.

The pain was stronger than any drug I'd ever taken or felt.

Before when I had gotten sober for Jules, it felt easier, maybe because it was easier to force myself to do something when I know what was at stake.

But trying to get sober for me was something else entirely because this time around I had to do it, for my family and my future.

I mean I always thought I wouldn't have to get sober or even have a future because one day a fucking asteroid would crash down and kill all of humanity.

That used to be a dream of mine.

A dark twisted fantasy.

My body felt like it was on fire like I was burning from the inside out. Like my body was trying to attack and kill me, but it was actually trying to save my treacherous ass.

Honestly, I would rather be dead because death is a simple and easy escape from the harsh and complicated thing that we all call life.

I spent days on the floor of my bathroom or bedroom struggling to do the most basic of things.

I don't even know how I'm remembering all of this. Oh wait it's because trying to get sober is the worst and most painful thing I've ever experienced... other than my Dad's death, but I don't want to get into that right now.

I have a lot of people to apologise to, Rory especially.

We fought, like hands-on faces and other body parts typa fighting.

I never thought I would see the day that would happen, but then again I didn't think I would live to reach 17 but here we are.

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BENNETT RESIDENCE:

I guess somewhere on my journey to make amends, the first person I thought I needed to apologise to was Ali.

I was awful to that man. He was trying to save me.

I wanted to tell him that his efforts weren't futile, even if on the surface they looked like they were.

Looking and feeling are two different things. Yes, I looked like a piece of shit, because I am a piece of shit, but I was desperately trying not to be.