Love is a Drug

Chapter 11

I sat on the barstool leaning over the counter and spreading my toast with jam. I ignored the constant buzzing of my phone, the screen lighting up notifying me of messages from James. Cindy looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not ready to tell him, it hasn't even hit me yet." I tried to explain.

"It won't ever hit you until nine months and you won't ever be ready to tell James." Cindy made a valuable point.

"How do you know so much about this stuff?" I asked cocking my head to the side.

"I had a child." Cindy poured herself a glass of milk and brought it up to her mouth. I chocked on my toast and began coughing.

"What?!" I croaked, a bit of toast still lodged in my throat.

"Yes, I was was 21, it wasn't a planned pregnancy but one night me and the father were driving, in December, over the icy roads. A deer was on the road and he had to swerve away. The car skidded and drove into a tree. I was in the hospital for a few days, and lost the child." Cindy looked down thinking of that difficult time.

"Sorry.." I looked at her with pitiful eyes.

"Yes well anyway my point is you need to tell James. I need to go for one last fitting tonight with Louise so invite James over and tell him. It will be hard but it'll always be hard, wether it's when you have the baby, or in three months or today. Do it." Cindy washed her empty milk glass and but it on the dish rack.

"Fine." I groaned and walked up to my room. I held my stomach. Oh no. I ran to the bathroom and my toast came up. I couldn't wait for morning sickness to be over. I washed my face with cool water and walked to my bed.i flung myself on my back and lay there looking up at the ceiling. I decided I was now going to think of the bad questions pounding at the back of my head. How will James take it? I began trying to answer that question, it wasn't going to be easy for him but he is a decent guy, I couldn't see him running away from me and the baby, I almost wondered if he would propose. I know it was stupid to think that but he always seemed to do the weirdest rightist things. I didn't want him to though, it would be flattering but I would say no. I came to the conclusion that he would stay with me and come over every day, visit the baby cuddle him. I smiled at the image. I moved to the next question. How will my Dad handle the news? He wouldn't be happy but wouldn't really care. I didn't want to move back to Boston with the baby. I wanted to stay here, even though I was only here a few months it felt like more of a home than Boston ever did.

Cindy knocked on my door and walked in.

"James won't stop and I think his last text may help. Ok?" Cindy smiled and through my phone over. I fought it with both my hands and looked over at her.

"Ok." Cindy left and I turned on my phone. I scanned through all the texts from James. Most were all just asking why I wasn't replying. The last message was a long one.

Lisa, I know you're not just sick. There is something else so just tell me. You can trust me! I love you and nothing will change that! You love me too remember? Whatever it is I will stand by you don't care whatever it is! Please just answer me. Even just a 'hey'. I miss you so much!! I love you ! You can trust me with whatever it is! I'm here for you so don't worry! Love you.

The text brought tears to my eyes.

James, I'm so sorry for everything! Come at 7 and I'll explain everything ok? Love you xx

I put the phone on my bedside table and lay on my bed. I hadn't slept last night and my eyes became very heavy. I fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up to a golden sunset. The sky was a beautiful mix of pink, gold, yellow, and a deep orange. I rolled over and looked at the time. 6:30!! I jumped off my bed. I rushed to my closet and changed out of my onesie into a pair of leggings and a hoodie. I rushed down stairs and cleaned the table. I quickly put the dishes into the dishwasher and wiped down the counter. I looked at the clock above the sink. 6:45. Ok still have some time I thought. I poured myself a glass of water and took a bite of an apple. I sat on the barstool and thought how to begin. 6:55 and the door bell rang. Oh fuck he's early! I only now realised how sick I felt, but this time it wasn't the baby, it was the nerves. My palms began sweating. What if I pretended I wasn't here? I thought for a second but instead I marched to the door and swung it open. There he stood in jeans and a white t shirt. He wrapped me up in a hug and lifted me off the ground. I hugged him tightly back. He set me back down on the ground and kissed me lightly on my lips.