Abandoned Thoughts

Sleep

My relationship with sleep could be described as a on and off relationship, an odd one.

I love to peacefully escape the stress of the world by simply leaving and seeing nothing. But sometimes I do see things, things that are amazing or things that are horrible.

I will not mention the horrible things but I will say that they quickly become the elephant in the room, an elephant that makes me not want to sleep.

But sleep is like my coping mechanism for when I can't get to my psychological outlet. So what then? Do I write until my thoughts are gone and I no longer have nightmares? Do I draw until my mind can no longer form an image?

Can someone please but this elephant back into the wild so that I can embrace my love, my mental comfort food?

The days seem to flyby into the night, my eyes drying from the screen. "Please help me!" My eyes and mind scream for relief, yet I am here.

Like a self punishment I keep myself up knowing the consequences that are waiting for me in the morning, I feel as though I am on my way to dreading life a bit. I love little things but there are so many big things I fear and dislike.

I don't have any thoughts in my head but when I go to write weird and frightening things appear, that makes me feel as if I don't know myself. I am up learning about a stranger and this point. I can't stop wanting to know more.

Let me refocus, sleep is the point. What is keeping me up but myself? The person that I just can't stop thinking of and wanting to know. I am messing up my relationship with sleep by being curious about myself, the person I am when the lights are out and everyone except for me is asleep.

But this is truly odd, if I fix my relationship with sleep then what about me? What about my relationship with myself? What about our late night chats, our tears, our smiles? What then?

I am tired of writing, I am going to sleep now. Hopefully! The exhaustion is catching up to me physically and psychologically.