CARMEN THINKING - THE SOUND INSIDE A SEASHELL PART 1

WHY I WROTE LETTERS TO ARDEN

May 8, 2014

In Primary School I was
called many horrid names...
Spooky, Casper, No Eyes. I was teased about everything, from my small deep set eyes, my knock knees, and my pale skin. In High School I was teased for just about everything, for being thin, being boring for not drinking or smoking, for not having a boyfriend, I was even teased because I was smart.

I was told that I am ugly more times then I can count. And it stuck with me. When guys started asking me out, complimenting me, I never believed them.
The scorn and hatred of my bullies was etched in my mind and heart and nothing could undo it, until...

the day my daughter Arden was born and I saw this beautiful girl who looked just like me... And for the first time in my whole life I saw myself as God made: BEAUTIFUL

Her beautiful eyes were my eyes, the eyes I had hated. I could not stop looking at her, transfixed by a little photocopy of me. Me who I never really saw before

Now, Letters To Arden also wouldn't be possible without Alban either. As I looked at Arden the first time, I saw what Alban saw when he looked at me. The protectiveness, the adoration and awe suddenly made perfect sense. I smiled and told me "I get it" and without me explaining he somehow knew that finally, finally I had seen my worth...

Alban and Arden are gifts from God to me. They give me confidence and courage.

They have made me and my whole life, beautiful...
They made me

A PRELUDE TO MY 2ND NOVEL "THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM"... ALENA IS A RAPE COUNSELLOR. HER SON JUSTIN HAS JUST BEEN ACCUSED OF...

May 8, 2014

and I breath
but its not for me, its for you

like a kiss I can't forget
the kiss that made you
and a love that never dies, no matter what is done to stamp it out
its burns my soul
and the rest of me,
the rest of this family cannot escape this fire
watch as we go up in flames...

How dare my arms still remember?
A pure little you
How dare my heart still care?
And yet it bleeds for you

Justice.
Justice.
Justice.

Justice is Black and White
until your staring into your sons tear filled eyes...

buried deep beneath the pain is question
but can either of us face the answer?

(NB: please note that when final editing is done the names of the characters may change"

I AM STILL JUST THAT GIRL...

May 8, 2014

I'm sure it was years ago
Was it yesterday
I thought it went away
Its a hundred years pass
But I see you and its just minutes

My fragrance carries memories
My heart only remembers good things
In all my lessons
In all my heart

I am still just that girl

The girl who'll answer the phone
The girl who won't leave her friend alone
The girl who forgives you even before you've done wrong
The girl who still feels a pull so so strong

I'm sure it was years ago
Was it yesterday
I thought it went away
Its a hundred years pass
But I see you and its just minutes

I am still just that girl

I thought I had changed...

I am still just that girl

BEAUTIFUL ME...