Secrets Spencer Reid x Male OC

Chapter Five

Warning(s): panic attack, anxiety, brief mention of trauma 

Words: 1876

Teddy hates his anxiety, it could possibly be one of the things he hates most about himself, how it just randomly strikes making it difficult for him to get through the day and just overall a mess, and this was the exact situation Teddy found himself in at work. He didn't know if there was a time more inconvenient to have a panic attack.

It of course was a Wednesday, so he was already tense from therapy and that particular day was convinced everyone around him hated him and generally just thought he was a bother to everyone. Hotch also called him into his office saying he didn't like how he came in late to work every Wednesday with Teddy having to explain how important therapy was for him.

On top of all that Morgan and Garcia have been really weird around him for some reason giving him these side eyes and just outright avoiding him. So in hindsight, it isn't that surprising with all those little problems piling up his tipping point was when he walked up from behind Reid resting an arm on his shoulder who immediately flinched away and turned around to stare at Teddy with an expression of what he thought was disgust confirming his fears in his head.

Teddy was silent, not daring to move as Reid stared back clearly uncomfortable. Teddy rose both of his hands to his neck scratching at the slightly red skin. He stumbled back adrenalin already pumping through his body as he looked around his eyes wild. It felt as if there wasn't any air in his lungs no matter how much he breathed in.

Teddy's breathing quickened and shallow only making him more nervous. Teddy saw Reid's expression change to worry. Teddy saw Reid's lips moving but he couldn't seem to process what he was saying. Everything became intense, every individual sound making his mind more and more frazzled. He was hit with a rush of sounds little things like the drip of the coffee maker or the whirring sound of the electric lights overwhelming him all the more.

The overstimulation was unbearable as he stumbled away, hands over his ears, head down trying not to look at Reid as he felt his eyes watering up. Teddy seemed to tumble backward before almost toppling Garcia over ramming into her side on accident, making her spill her steaming hot coffee on Teddy's back left leg and part of her dress.

Teddy made a squeaking sound as he turned to see Garcia shocked. "Stupid... stupid... stupid. No, I'm sorry- sorry Garcia. Nonono."

"Teddy, it's alright, are you crying?" Garcia said clearly by her tone it was not alright but she seemed genuinely concerned for Teddy.

"NOT fine. Bad. Very bad. You hate me, I know it, they all hate me. Reid. He- I don't want- no." Teddy didn't know what to do. Run out of the office? Go to a corner and cry? Just stand there until he calms down? None of those options seemed particularly appealing at the moment.

"Teddy. Listen to me. You can hear me. We don't hate you. I don't hate you. You're having a panic attack and that's okay. What do you need?" Reid said his voice was calm but firm, seeming to grip Teddy to reality. "Focus on your feet, Teddy. Feel them on the floor. Your feet are grounding you, Teddy. You're safe." Reid said, walking closer.

"M-my desk brown bag. F-first shelf." Teddy said, his voice wavering as he choked down tears. He had prepared himself what his therapist called an 'anxiety sack' a small bag of things that he knows help him calm down in his case it consisted of a fidget cube, these rings that had a detachable metal bit that he could spin on his finger, this watery squishy ball that when he squeezed it, it turned different colors, some random fidgets, and a small notepad in case he couldn't talk and needed to write things down or just to tear up the pages.

At this point Teddy had become more aware and a little less dissociated not caring about the few tears running down his face, just now noticing the eyes staring at him he stiffened, hunching over as embarrassment seemed to seep through every bit of his body.