Roman's Angel

Chapter 22

He was scared. So fucking scared. He stared at the building in front of him, clutching his bag tightly to his chest. It was currently snowing and the cold air was hitting his face. He didn't care to keep warm, for he had been numb ever since he heard those words from his lover hours ago.

'You have to go some place where you can be helped. Because I can't help you on my own.'

Out of all of the people in his life that he expected to send him to a place like this, he never thought that Roman would be one of them. Fuck. He was so stupid. So stupid to believe in him for so long, to think that he would accept him as he was. Just some days ago, Roman had admitted to him that he wanted to take part in his desires, his ways of helping to cope, of helping him feel that he was human, that he wasn't just some emotionless monster.

But oh, he had been so wrong. He had fucked up tonight, beat up one of his tormentors so badly to where he would be hospitalized. Had came home, asking for forgiveness, praying to him, needed his God to bring him back to Heaven. He needed that, to feel innocent, to feel pure, needed to be brought back from his insanity. It wasn't given to him. He could see the disgust, the horrified look on his lover's face. He could feel his hatred when he hit him, when he put his hands around his throat. And all he could do was gasp for air, when he only wanted to beg for him to do it, to strangle the life out him, to put an end to his madness. He could no longer bear it. He was suffering and he was making him suffer too, he couldn't stand to see him hurt because of him.

A hand is on his shoulder, helping him take his next few steps towards the doors of the hospital, where he would stay for who knows how long. There was no going back anymore. This was it. This was his fate. He was going to be locked away, isolated from the outside world, his happiness, his friends, and most importantly, the only person who kept him sane. He wasn't angry nor was he sad. He felt nothing. He just felt empty. He knew that as soon as Roman left, that he would be gone forever. He wouldn't come to see him, wouldn't write to him, wouldn't want him back in his life. He would be forgotten about, abandoned, nothing but a memory in the back of his mind.

Once inside, Roman sits him down in one of the chairs in the waiting room. He whispers to him to 'relax', 'calm down'. Dean watches as he goes to the front desk, explaining the situation to the receptionist. He sets his bag down, pulling his knees up to his chest, burying his face in them. He was so tired. So tired of everything. His best friend, Sami Callihan, had probably already been arrested, about to be put away for a long time. And now Roman was turning his back on him, sending him away. He should've known better. He should've known that Roman couldn't put up with him anymore, he was too far gone in his misery. Nothing could bring him back from this.

Roman sits down with him, putting his arms around him. His angel, his beloved, looked so afraid and so fragile right now. He is curled up tightly in a ball, rocking himself slowly. He wishes he could take his pain away, do anything for him to help make him feel better. He hated seeing Dean like this, to the point where he would shut him out, where he wouldn't cry a single tear because there was no more left. He was nothing more than an empty shell and that scared Roman. He wanted to see him truly alive, a beautiful smile grazing upon his face, his blue eyes shining. What he hated more though is what his angel had become. Yes, he was willing to help him cope but he never wanted it to get so bad to where he would only get worse and become what he feared he would become.

"Dean," He started, his voice sort of trailing off. What should he say to him? That everything was going to be alright? That he was going to be okay? It didn't seem right because he himself didn't know what would happen now. "I-I'm sorry...This is...This is for your own good, you know..."

"No," Dean said, his voice cracking. "I-I'm going to die here..."

"You're not going die here," Roman responds, holding on more tightly to him. "This place, they're going to try to help you. Just do what they say, put in the effort to try to get better and you'll be out of here in no time."