Roman's Angel

Chapter 16

The sun shined bright through the curtains, as Roman opened his tired eyes. He didn't want to get up anytime soon, for he was content and comfortable, especially with his lover, Dean, lying next to him. Dean was currently still fast asleep, snuggled up against his back. His arms were around his waist, holding on tightly, and his face rested on his shoulder. He didn't want to disturb him, wake him from a sound sleep. A few minutes passed by, before he decided that he would turn over so that he wasn't facing the window, and try to get back to sleep.

He turned over slowly, feeling the coolness of the sheets under his body. Dean shifted a little in his sleep, mumbling something. He closed his eyes, and tried to fall back into slumber. He found that he couldn't though, with thoughts of what happened last night on his mind. Dean being a given a gun for his birthday, the argument they had, the goat's death, what Dean said to him when he came back to him...He remembered that they made love to each other. And it was perfect.

"Roman?" Dean whispered, startling him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah." Roman replied, groggily opening his eyes. He sees Dean staring back at him, smiling at him. Nothing but love and affection in his eyes. He wishes there wasn't so much that needed to be talked about because he didn't want to ruin this beautiful, special moment between them. But he knew they needed to talk about it. It couldn't be forgotten about.

"Hey, beautiful." Roman says, giving him a small peck on the lips.

"Hey yourself." Dean smiles. "How're you feeling?"

"I'm fine. How're you feeling?"

Dean chuckles. "I'm also fine, but got a hangover from drinking so much."

Roman smiles, stroking his hair. "I'll get you some pills for it soon. But first...I want to talk to you."

"What is it?"

"About last night."

"I don't want to talk about it." Dean says. "It's fine. Really."

"No, you didn't seem fine last night and I know you still aren't." Roman says. "You're still upset about it."

"I'm over it, let it go." Dean says, pushing his hand off him. "I'm not talking about it."

"Dean, please don't push me away. Sami's gift to you last night, our argument, you killing the goat, and what you said me...It can't be forgotten about. Please talk to me."

Dean stares back at him for a few moments. Roman's begging and him being so sincere, is slowly breaking his cold exterior that he puts up around other people. He wants so badly just to breakdown all his walls and just tell him everything. Reveal to him all of his hidden desires, his need to feed the darkest parts of himself. But he saw how much it scared Roman, how it made them have their first argument with each other. Could he so easily let him in more? Could he trust him not to leave?

"Alright, fine." Dean finally says. "Talk."

Roman sighed, trying to think of how he should start without making Dean angry. He didn't want to have another fight with him. But he figured he would start with what caused the argument in the first place. "So make me understand. Why exactly do you need a gun?"

"You remember last night when I told that I imagined that goat as Baron, as everyone who has hurt me, right?"

"Yeah, I do. You said you also imagined it as yourself..."

Dean presses himself closer to him. "I'm not going to kill myself, Roman. I mean...I won't say that the thought hasn't crossed my mind at times. But its not because I'm unhappy, it's because sometimes I just wish I could shut up my own mind, make myself normal. Off myself before I become someone that you would hate..."